Through Barred Eyes
by Mashiara91
Summary: Kurogane's been in prison for a long time, and he's used to it. But all that's about to change when a strange blond man struts right into his life. Rated M for language, harsh circumstances and lemons. UPDATED recently!
1. Chapter 1: Stay Away

Disclaimer: I do not own anything; CLAMP does (those lucky girls!)

Please review… the more the merrier. And be mature, don't flame. Thank you. Enjoy!

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**Chapter 1: Stay Away**

_Kurogane POV:_

Let's get something clear from the get go! Okay?! I'm not a faggot. If you even think that word in my presence, I will beat that brain of yours into a fucking pulp. You hear me? Besides, I'm not! That's such an annoying word anyway even if I was homosexual I'd never use it. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against them, but I--I don't know. I really don't know. I never thought of myself like that. I've been with women, lots and I've cared for them. Enjoyed every second of it. I still jack of to Marilyn's poster, for God's sake. And I didn't pick her because she's blond, okay?! Jesus, I don't know what's happened to me. I could blame this place for it all. But that's not how this stuff works.

For some reason, I know one thing for sure; I couldn't have changed any of it. I had no control. It was out of my hands. 'Cause even if we weren't here, even if we were out, even if I was in the middle of a relationship, or he'd been on the other side of the ocean, the outcome would have been the same. I can't escape him. Shit, I sound like a romance novel! Screw this! It IS his fault, it's all his fault. Fuck! What's happening to me…anyway, where were we. Oh yes-

I remember it like it happened yesterday. I remember what I did that entire day. I remember the toilet didn't flush that day and the stink wouldn't go away. I remember the dream I was having before I woke up. The clouds and the sea. I remember Joe's bat sliding across the bars of my cell. It was Baseball Thursday and he's the only one amongst the guards who dares play with us. I remember I didn't play that game; I sat it out with little Mac. He'd sprained his ankle the day before, said he tripped. I knew he didn't trip. Just like I knew he wasn't going to tell me about it. In the beginning he always had, but he started growing his own balls a while back. I admired him for it, but still I didn't like it when he hid stuff from me. I was in the middle of asking about the whole thing for the fifth time, when it happened. When he walked in.

I wasn't the only one who stared at him. I really wasn't. It's not every day a blond blue-eyed beauty queen walks into a prison. I swear it was like putting a cat in the middle of the dog pen. A lot of the guys whistled as he passed by, but that was just the automatic reaction. I think a whole bunch of us were thinking: what the fuck? I mean here was this Beverly Hills clean-shaven pretty boy walking into one of the most dangerous prisons in the State like it was some party. I think that's what struck everyone. He was smiling from ear to ear. Can you believe it? We just stared. It really was an otherworldly experience. Watching that hot stuff strutting across a dirt field like it was the red carpet with cameras waiting on the other side.

I remember I had two distinct reactions to him that first day. I actually didn't realize this until Mac pointed it out but I was smiling. It was as though, through the three or so meters of air that separated us, I'd managed to catch his smile. I don't usually smile, which is why I freaked Mac out. I just vaguely registered his little voice next to me, "Sensei, you're smiling." I don't remember what his face looked like, but looking back I think he was snickering at me. I did a double-take when my brain finally got to processing what he'd said. I don't think my eyebrows have ever climbed higher. It was so weird: the fact that I'd smiled. I could feel the shadow of it on my face hours later. I guess there was something admirable about seeing a seemingly weak man unfazed at the sudden danger he'd been put in. Like the cat was too cunning for the dogs to catch, even if it was on their territory. I thought I saw strength, that's probably what brought it on. The smile. But--you have to understand just how rare that is for me. I was genuinely smiling. It was all so weird it really freaked me out later, 'cause while I was sitting there with this random shadow of a smile on my face, he was across from me smiling like a madman. But his smile was fake.

That was the second reaction I had to him. For a few brief seconds, he looked back the way he'd come and our eyes connected. I don't think he was even looking at me, so it wasn't exactly eye contact. But I could finally see him. I saw his eyes clearly, and it slowly sank in that it was all one big act. His eyes give it all away. The smile never reached them. On the contrary it was like he was starring daggers at everyone. How no one noticed it continues to elude me. It wasn't anger or violence really that poured out of them, so I guess my dagger analogy's a bit flawed. It was more like a neon sign, a bright blue neon sign screaming: _Stay Away_.

I don't think I'll ever forget that look. Not for a while at least.

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_Fai POV:_

Yes, I smiled. Is it really so strange? hehe. I'm sorry, I can't help laughing. It really is funny. No matter what I do, everyone finds it strange. If I sulk, it's strange. If I'm quite people whisper about it. When I laugh people stare at me like I have three heads. Granted laughing in the middle of the road probably isn't the best idea…and doing the model-walk in a prison filled with big horny guys is maybe just a little bit dangerous. What? You still don't you get it, do you? It's really obvious when you look closely enough. Strutting into a prison is a piece of cake if you've already been to hell itself. I've got nothing to lose. I'm not afraid. They can't do anything to me, they can't even see me. They'll never see me. I'll just sit here and smile. What more do I have to do? What more can I do? I'll do it, all that it takes. Just get the message and leave. Just please, please, leave me alone. _Stay away_.

You know, you're worse than that Asian with his puppy-dog eyes. What's up with that? It's the last thing I need. I don't even get it. Like I understand if he finds me attractive. I heard the whistles. I never could escape the attention my looks got. And don't think I didn't try, I cropped off all my hair once, dyed it black. Little help that did! But that's not how he was looking at me. It wasn't lust…it was so—I can't think of a word to describe it. It really was puppy-dog eyes. Innocent, I guess. It was a beautiful look: pure. And to find that in a prison is just plain odd. I hadn't seen that in a while, it stung a bit. Too foreboding. I couldn't help but look back at him. And I won't lie; my heart did skip a beat. But it's not what you're thinking. More like it sank. I was scared, that's what. I had this really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn't like it. I don't want to remember what happened the last time this happened. I don't want to think about it. Please stay away. Asian guy whoever you are, please _stay away_.

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I just realized this chapter's such a small baby. The next ones will be longer I promise…..if you want them to be that is. So please review and I'll post more.


	2. Chapter 2: Tattoo

Thank you all for reviewing. I really appreciate it! And please do the same for this one. I honestly don't like it as much as the first…but I'm curious as to what you guys think. So review, review, and review a bit more. But first enjoy!

Disclaimer: CLAMP owns it all…including my soul.

**Chapter 2: Tattoo**

**Kurogane POV:**

The rumors reached me a few days after he came. I guess they started that first night in the craptastic showers we've got. I wasn't there that first night, wasn't my rotation. But I can imagine the shock waves spreading around that bastard. By the way, I'm not talking about what you think I'm talking about, you pervert! Idiot people with your sick minds! Anyway, I was talking about that massive tattoo the blonde's got all across his back. Yeah he's got a tattoo. And it isn't some 'I love mom' doodle done in the back of a bar. No, it's this intricate design sketched across his whole back.

I've been here for a while; I get the whole prison-plus-tattoo thing. Most of the guys here have a tattoo, that's not what's significant. But _him_?! _He_ has one? What's gotten into the world? I guess the biggest shock was that this wasn't the Beverly Hills pretty-boy we all took him to be. The rumors spread out like wildfire about this guy. In my mind this was fast becoming a wacked out extension of my high school days. The cafeteria even looked the same! And I swear prison guys are way worse than high school chicks when it comes to gossiping about the new kid.

And I was NOT participating! I don't gossip, okay? I just happen to be sitting on the same table. I rarely talk anyway, unless someone needs me to. Besides it's not like I actually care about this guy. But I've spent years working on maintaining the order in this place, it's my job. I can't discriminate against some weirdo; I have to help him out. And to do so I need a few pieces of info, that's all…. Anyway, I just sat there as quietly as I could, sifting through the goop in front of me, listening as discreetly as possible, my brain working furiously to understand this guy.

"Must be one of those white supremacists." _What? No, he can't be! That doesn't fit, it's an abstract design, for crying out loud! _

"That don't fit! George would have been all over him if he'd gotten the slightest wiff of Hitler-sweetheart off of that boy." _Thank you Lucas for having a brain!_

"Bet he's trailer trash." _That's just stupid._

"Nah, Man, that guy's one of those white-dude-in-a-ghetto-so-that-makes-me-black type shits, man." _That might fit…but no accent. And still doesn't explain the lost screws in his head. Maybe someone hit him over the head down there. Wait, maybe an abusive background…that fits…?_

"What if he's just a lazy ass surfer freak? They get tattoos." _Another bout of stupidity._

"What would a surfer be doing here? This place's for hard crime, you don't get sent here for ramming a police car with a surf board."

"Sam, where the hell'd you get that idea from, bet you did that, didn't you?" Sam looks awkward and everyone's laughing, I am too before I realize it. But now everyone looks at me like I'm crazy. What's up with me breaking my character lately? It's that blonde's fault again, damn it! But seriously the image of him doing anything violent, was irresistibly funny, I couldn't help it.

"Sorry Steal-Man, didn't mean to jest 'bout the Po-lice." Why is it that everyone thinks they need to apologize to me every time the police are mentioned? They're criminals; they're supposed to hate the police!!

Great. Now I'm in a sour mood and I still don't know who the hell this guy is! I can't help looking at him across the cafeteria. Maybe I've been doing that too often, but so what? Everyone's staring at him anyway. At least I'm being discreet about it. He's sitting so far away, I wonder if he's doing it on purpose. Oh, stop being stupid, you haven't so much as talked to the bastard, why would he want to stay away from you? Anyway, I'm honestly glad he has a tattoo. That and his freak smile are the only things protecting that cute butt of his… (I did NOT just say that. You are going to forget I said that!)

In the end, if I know these guys, which I do, they'll be pouncing on him in the next few weeks. Tattoo or no tattoo, he's game.

**Fai POV:**

It's been two weeks. So that's 14 days minus… 13 hours or it is 12... It's so dark how am I supposed to tell what time it is? Either way, it's been a while. Hmm, wonder how long it'll be before…oh here he is! Joe and his bat. It has now been officially two weeks! Hyuuu! …Wait, I got here in the afternoon. Aww, guess I still have a few hours. Shucks!

I spring up the moment the bars slide out and I recite the whole National Anthem with the recording. Smiling as usual. When the guard passes by me (it's not Joe, so I don't know what his name is), I give him the most overblown curtsey he's ever seen in his life. OUCH! That is so going to leave a bruise. Point taken, no curtseys for you Mr. Big Stick. From there I proceed to lightly prance across the hallway, and as usual I ballet leap across the short flight of stairs separating my level with the cafeteria grounds. This is just one luxury of being on the ground floor of this grand complex.

But the disadvantage is that I'm one of the first in the cafeteria, which means I have to pretend to be doing something useful as I wait for Mr. Asian guy to come in. I have to change it every day, you know, can't look too suspicious. Though at this point, they'll stare at me no matter what I do. Hmm, look around, look around. "Oooh, there's a crack in wall!" of course there was no crack in the wall, but the time it takes to observe an imaginary crack in a wall and a real crack in a wall is the same. And obviously in the process I earned myself another punch from Mr. Big Stick. However, on the brighter side of things, by the time I'd done all that, Mr. Asian guy had seen fit to seat himself.

You know, this place isn't so bad. No one knows you. No one there to judge you since they're ten times worse….wait, no, my record's probably one of the worse ones here. Whatever, at least I get to smile. It's been a while since I stopped running. Hopefully I won't have to any time soon. Hopefully I'll be here for a while. Oh God, let me stay here! You know, I think I'm starting to enjoy this place too much; it's only at night that I have time to realize how afraid I still am.

Now, back to the problem at hand. Let's see as far away from Asian guy as possible… and that's next to Gramps again. I like that man. He hasn't made a pass at me since I came here. That's saying something. And he knows all the gossip. I think I'll ask him about Asian guy today…

"You should be more careful. You actually looked sad two seconds ago." So Gramps noticed; I hadn't taken him for a guy that would.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I set about trying to busy my hands with something, and I was smiling obviously. "Hey, Gramps…" I tried to keep my voice light, but I'm not sure it worked. He smiled a little bit, and inclined his head in my direction. I guess he figured out I didn't like looking at people face-to-face.

"Gramps, who's that Asian guy with the dragon tattoo on his arm" I realized how silly that sounded the moment it left my lips.

"You do realize most of the Asians here have dragon tattoos on their arms!" something about his tone made it seem like he was just teasing me.

"You're such a tease Gramps!" I made my voice go all girly and everyone at the table looked at me. I regretted it though; the attention was starting to get annoying. Oh well, what's done is done. "Silly Gramps…I'm talking about the tanned man on the first table next to the window pane…he keeps looking at me!" I tried to sound like a teen girl checking out a guy, but this time I wasn't so loud. I didn't like the idea of anyone knowing I'd asked about that man. Especially not him! In fact, I didn't know why I was so worried in the first place.

"Oh, That's Kurogane Daitoji" he said with a slight smile on his face. "Almost everyone calls him Steal Man or Sensei here…and I suggest you don't mention his tattoo when any of the guards are around." The guards??? I didn't even have a chance to voice my utter confusion; Gramps realized he needed to explain. "Kurogane's sort of like…what's that expression again? ... The apple of their eye." He began to laugh, and I was more confused than ever. The guards were wha…with…huh? This doesn't make sense!

"Relax, it's not what you're thinking." I think Gramps is one of those people that just likes to annoy others…just tell me! There was a long pause; I assumed from how he looked he was considering a few things. And then it began.

"Kurogane's dad was a police man. Built himself quite a reputation before he died in service. He's responsible of jailing at least a dozen people here!" I think my brain froze from the shock for a few seconds. "I don't think it's fair for me to talk about Kurogane's past, especially to someone he doesn't even know. But the jist of it is that most of us think he doesn't deserve to be here. Even the courts would have said the same if he'd allowed them to, but he turned himself in and was determined to serve his time. Those are the two things he inherited from his father: that tattoo and his sense of justice".

There was a long pause, and I assumed the speech was over. Just then, Gramps turned around and faced me full on with dead serious eyes. "Listen to me Fai, and listen carefully. The only reason, and I mean the ONLY reason, no one's touched you yet… is him. Kurogane doesn't get into people's business. If you want to do something, you can do it. He doesn't care. But he doesn't stand for someone being forced into anything. Sex, trade, drugs... you name it. He's saved quite a few butts here, quite literally. And you'd do well to stick to that boy like glue, you understand?" Another pause, this one a lot longer. Gramps seemed to know that I was done with the conversation, so he didn't expect me to reply or anything.

After the initial shock, my brain started working furiously, so many thoughts I can't even remember half of them. What did he do? Why? Why is he still here? How long has he been here? Why would he want to protect prisoners? Didn't he hate criminals? Yet he was a criminal too, but not really…and…

What kind of man would give himself up when it wasn't just…? That was the question that really struck a chord for me. It really was disturbing.

I'm not one to involve myself with other people; the very fact that I was curious about this man freaked me out later. I also realized I was scared of him. I don't know why, but something about his smile that first day was just too much. Like he genuinely cared… I wasn't ready for that. But I wasn't ready to be someone's sex-slave either. It was the lesser of two evils in the end. Get close to one person or start doing what everyone else told you to do. It might seem a little strange that I was actually considering it. But what can I say, of all the men here, he scared me most of all.

"Oh and Fai," Gramps said out of the corner of his mouth. "You're smile's slipping…"

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Hope you liked it. I won't be able to update until at least a week from now… school's going to kill me one of these days. And I promise they'll actually meet in the next one! … maybe :P

Have a nice day


	3. Chapter 3: First Impression

Hello everyone,

Thank the skys above that Christmas vacation started! And now I have time to write…which means that I'm delivering the chapter early. I just _had_ to give you all something for Christmas!

Thank you all for the reviews. They really do make my day…I think my entire life revolves around this. Thank you so much!!!

Anyway, this chapter's kinda small…. again, but oh well. Enjoy! Warning: contains angst, temper, and sexual suggestions.

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**Chapter 3: First Impression**

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**Kurogane's POV:**

By this time, a few daydreams had already found their way into my head: scenarios I'd contemplated and such. I wouldn't say it was an obsession, not exactly, not yet. But you just can't help but play out certain things in your mind sometimes. You know how even if it wasn't someone you were particularly interested in, you'd still be apprehensive about talking to them for the first time. How you'd find yourself going over possible answers and questions. Prep yourself up; make sure you don't do certain things. And you have to remember I'm not a good talker, I keep to myself. You can't blame me for worrying. Wait, I wasn't worrying, I was just---Know what I mean?

Anyway, I soon found out that when it came to this guy there was no way I could have prepared myself. I still don't think I'm prepared.

Of all the things that I could have ever, and I mean EVER, conceived of, this was NOT one of them. Not in a million years. I never imagined our first conversation to be like this. I never imagined where it would take place. Of all the places and all the times, he chose _that_ place and _that_ time? What the Hell?!

…I'm still so shocked I don't know what to say…no, not shocked. Petrified. And not in a good way.

Shit! I'm running out of things to say… DAMN IT!

Fine, fine, alright, I'll say it.

I'll just come out and say it.

It was in the………

.

.

In the.……….

.

.

…………..showers………..

.

.

YES, the showers, and YES we were naked, and YES there were a whole bunch of other naked guys there too!

15 years I've been in this dump and I was never comfortable in the showers. I wasn't comfortable _standing_ in those showers, let alone _talking_ in them! Or doing anything else in them for that matter!!

You have to appreciate how hard it is for me to talk about this. And how much worse it is for me to admit that I don't like talking about it. What the hell has gotten into me? I'm freaking out because of one little incident. It really wasn't _that_ bad. But I'm still freaking out, and then I freak out because I'm freaking out.

Fuck that BITCH! I am NOT going to be controlled by him and I'm going to stop talking about it. Stop thinking about it, God damn it. I will never think about that skinny blonde creature ever again. Especially not thoughts involving him in any sort of shower whatsoever. And every time I do, I'm going to slam my head into my fist or the nearest wall. That should put a stop to this adolescent behavior. I am over this!

Oh…

I still haven't told you what happened. Right…about that…

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**Fai's POV:**

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Hyuuuu!!

That was so much fun!! I can't stop laughing. The guard's been to my cell twice just to shut me up, but it won't stop.

And seriously, I don't think it was such a bad place for our first 'conversation'.

I mean, I was getting on his good side so as to protect my butt, right? So, I think the showers are a perfect place for it! He needs to see what it is he's protecting. Tehe!

His expression! Priceless!!

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**Kurogane's POV: **_**(earlier…in the showers)**_

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I felt someone's presence behind me. Way too close for comfort. At first I thought someone probably just slipped or something. But then, I felt the touch.

A soft pressure against my ass.

My eyes widened and for a second I went completely and utterly insane!

I cannot put into words just how **angry** I was! Yet, I was held back by the sheer impossibility of this situation. Someone had actually had the audacity to.....THE HELL?! A deep throated growl escaped me and my fists clenched. I was about to whirl around and knock the teeth out of this freak. But then I heard his voice. And I froze.

_I know that voice. Deep, but not deep enough. Soft, but almost too soft. _

"I've been told I'll be needing your protection…" He spoke the words so softly, yet annunciating every syllable with his tongue. Purposely seductive, scattering his warm breath over my shoulder. I felt his slim fingers latch around my biceps, kneading them slightly. "You're so strong…and _**firm**_, I don't think I'm afraid anymore." He purred, and I could hear him sigh, _feel_ him sigh. That's when I snapped.

I whirled around fast, and instead of punching him I shoved him back real hard. Pushing him away like he was the plague… no, the devil himself!!

"WHAT THE **FUCK** DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

Everyone was staring, but as usual I couldn't care less. I was shaking so hard with anger, I half expected the water to evaporate around me. Meanwhile, he….he had the nerve to stand there and smile at me. That big fat movie-star-grin of his!

At this rate I was going to commit bloody murder……**again**!

"Aww, Kuro-tan's so cute when he's angry." _Did he just call me…?! _Oh no, No way! No way in fucking hell is this bitch going to….my hand was halfway to that skinny neck of his before….

"BOTH OF YOU, OUT **NOW**!"

The guard practically dragged us both out of there, annotating his anger with a few harsh shoves and jabs. The blond freakazoid was smiling through it all though. He just strutted past me and through the door like nothing had happened. Anger mixed with shock and I don't know what else, all boiled inside me. I'd waited a long while to know who this person was exactly, he was such an oddity you can't blame me for being curios. Yet after all that he turns out to be ….a… a what exactly I still don't know!

As we walked, I couldn't help but stare at his back. That tattoo of his grabbing my attention, those round orbs staring at me like a pair of goading eyes: hypnotizing me. My eyes subconsciously traced those lines and I found myself staring at his ass. I don't even wanna think about it. It's not my fault there was a blue beacon of ink etched across his left butt-cheek. If you have a tattoo all over your body, one that dips down into dangerous places, you're just asking to be jumped. A small part of my brain was considering not protecting him, but that wasn't possible. I had to maintain my reputation, right? No discrimination. And I just didn't want him hurt….

Oh God this is going to give me a headache. Fuck!

All in all, I have never before been so shocked in my life. And something tells me, this guy has a lot more in store.

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A/N: I really enjoyed writing this! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much. And even if you didn't, please tell me. I'd like to know all that you're thinking!

Oh and if you're wondering about the 'orbs' that are part of Fai's tattoo, refer to the first manga chapter or anime episode, it really does look like a pair of eyes. And yes, I do know it's a phoenix.

Anyway, I don't know if Christmas already passed where you are right now, but where I am, right now it's Christmas Morning. So without further ado: Merry Christmas!!


	4. Chapter 4: Fear and Smiles

**Hello everyone thanks for the reviews. Please do so again. :)**

**Anyway, I think I got carried away with the comedy in the last chapter…so we're going back to seriousness. Prison's a seriously scary place; I have to present it authentically. I cannot in good conscience gloss over that aspect. Sorry. So yes, there's a rape scene…not a too serious one. But still rape nonetheless. But don't worry; it gets lighter in Kurogane's section. By the way this my first time writing a remotely sex-related scene, so please tell me what you think about it. **

**Note on layout: Bold is for emphasis. **_**Italics **_**are for thoughts. (I realize that I should have mentioned that earlier!)**

**Warning: language as usual, and this time it contains rape (to skip rape scene, just don't read the italics after the two stars **). **

**Disclaimer: Yeah, this never happened in the Clamp world, I'd be worried if it did. **

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**Chapter 4: Fear and Smiles**

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**Fai's POV:**

Okay, maybe I overdid it. I really am regretting that now. I would love to say that I'm not afraid, but I am. In those first few weeks the groping hadn't been so bad. But I guess they were just testing the waters. Because in the last couple of days I've been groped, touched, felt up, molested, and pushed around **WAY** too often. And it all got steadily worse after that time with Kuro-poo. I can't say I regret that. Not really. It accomplished what it was meant to accomplish, but still…maybe it wasn't worth it.

It backfired in my face, really badly!! Because while I was so focused on giving Kurgie a certain impression, I completely forgot about what the others would think. Oh God! Just thinking about the day after scares me silly.

I'd been standing with my hands behind my head, next to the bleachers watching the clouds. I really had been stupid, standing that far away, completely dazed out… **so stupid**!

**

_A strong hard chest pressing against my back. A presence looming over me. Just as I begin to register what's happening…_

_My arms are yanked out of their relaxed position and are pressed firmly into my lower stomach. The pressure hurts, and jolts me into action. _

_Adrenaline fills me up and anger courses through me. _

_I try to struggle, wriggle my shoulders free or slam my heel back into his instep. But he's already thought of all that. The experienced Bastard! _

_His stone arms are wrapped around me like boa constrictors and his own feet turn mine uncomfortably inwards. I can't move! _

"_Feisty little bitch aren't we?" His voice makes me sick; I can almost taste the acid in my mouth. This is not going to happen to me! But I can't do anything... _

_I can already feel his hard erection and …. Shit! He's dry-humping me. Shit! No! _

_FUCK!_

"_Why so tense pretty-face? Maybe I should have done this in the showers, you like the water on your body huh?" He pushes against me with every phrase, jabbing against my cloth covered entrance. I hate this, I'm repulsed so much my limbs begin to shake slightly. _

_At the mention of water he trails a coarse tongue along my neck. The stink of his breath steeling into me like poison. That nasty slime making my skin crawl. _

_I take advantage of his bent head and slam my own backwards. My backwards head-butt doesn't work nearly as much as I'd hoped._

"_Mother-Fucking Shit, what, is it only Japs that you like, huh?" _

_Damn it! He's angry now. He slams into me hard and grabs my own penis. His nails dig into me... dirty jagged nails…No…no... NO! _

_THIS IS NOT HAPPENEING. _

_**_

Apparently I'd screamed that last one out, since the guards pulled him off of me just then. I don't think I have ever been so thankful in my life…not recently at least. It had taken a while for me to relax and get that feeling out of my system. It wasn't really fear. I've known fear and this isn't it. No, this was more like disgust and panic mingling into one nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I couldn't eat the next day, and the guards let me stay in the cell. They seemed to be nicer all of a sudden, or maybe I just say them that way now that they'd saved me. Joe had been with them, but I had a feeling that some of the other officers weren't on my side at all. I don't blame them; I did deserve punishment, but not this. Not this. Joe talked to me afterwards, certain measures were going to be taken to ensure my safety. Apparently I wasn't going to shower with everyone else anymore, and he suggested that I didn't stray too far away from the guards at all times. Also, It was preferable that I latch onto a better form of protection. I had a bad feeling he'd been talking about Kurogane.

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**K****urogane's POV:**

I calmed down after that time in the shower, mostly because he didn't talk to me the day after during meals or exercise. It gave me time to think. I started to relax, thinking this guy was probably just bi-polar or something. This went on for two days, except this time he wasn't even in the cafeteria or the yard. I was starting to worry; maybe the guards had been too harsh on him or something… Maybe someone already got to him?! But no, that's impossible. They'd have declared their victory and claim by now. Right? Oh shit, what if the guards were stopping them…? I have to admit by the time the third day was up, I was scared shitless with worry for the poor guy; he just can't survive without protection. I didn't want another man I know going crazy and slitting his wrists. Too many slipped through my fingers as it was.

So, I guess when I saw him in the caff that fourth day, I was relieved. Really relieved. I almost smiled. But no matter what my initial feelings might have been, they went up in smoke the moment I saw that he was directing all his attention on me! I suddenly remembered why I hated this guy. Suddenly, his attitude in the showers came back to me…

Was that freaky smile gonna chase me to the ends of the earth? It was all becoming one big nightmare, like I'd suddenly tumbled down the rabbit hole and ran smack into the Cheshire Cat. That half moon grin and crazy eyes! I swear that cat can pass for his twin! I don't care how pretty and sparkly those blue eyes are: they're crazed. He's not normal! I don't care how worried I was or how vulnerable he is, this is NOT how he's supposed to be acting!

All that went through my mind the moment I stepped into the cafeteria. I went from worried and scared (which is saying something), to being really annoyed and very angry in a matter of seconds!

"Kuro-taaaaaan, over here, I saved you a seat." A very loud, very cheerful, very high-pitched, VERY annoying voice greeted me from across the room. He was standing there with his back slightly bent (the wrong way I might add), with both his hands waving at me with large sweeping motions. It looked kinda awkward given that his hands were handcuffed, I would have laughed if all the noise wasn't directed at me.

His mouth opened and he seemed to prepare for another drawn-out shout, so I made my way over there as fast as I could. "What do you think you're doing?!" I hissed. I made shushing motions with my finger to my lips, and he just looked at me with that smile… I really feel like I'm dealing with a child!

"Silly Kuro-chii, didn't you hear me? I said I was saving you a seat." He had this quirky mannerism I soon realized, with every new sentence he'd tilt his head to the other side or emphasize whatever he was saying with a strange hand motion (usually a limp wrist). Maybe he had screws missing, literally.

"**Why**?!" My voice came louder than I would have liked with too much emotion.

"Because you can't protect me, if you're not here?" He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He even had the nerve to look at me like **I** was crazy. But something about the statement scared me; maybe they had gotten to him. I started to feel guilty, but my anger was still in control "Or do you have some telekinetic powers I don't know about? Aww, Kuro-myuu's a superhero!" _Okay that does it! _

"Stop it with those silly names! My name is Kurogane. KU-RO---"

"PU-RO!!" Apparently he didn't even want to listen to my real name, preferring that silly version. How did he know about the suffixes in the first place? I'm going to kill the Jap who spilled it to him!

"Keep your goddamn voice down; if you want attention I'll bash you up and put on a pedestal." Just picturing it made me feel better. "Now **shut up**!"

"Hmmm, that reminds me, I'm Fai. Fai D. Flowright." Possibly having enough foresight to know that I wasn't about to shake on it or anything, he just placed his hand on top of mine. Then he leaned it... "But for you I'll be whatever you want..." he spoke those last words with such sweet softness (sexy to be quite honest). To any other person they would have felt like a caress; I felt like he'd punched me!

"I don't care what you're called. Get the hell away from me!" I didn't like him. He was too unstable. He skipped too fast across the border between Innocent and Seductive, Normal and Insane. And standing next to him was like being blind in a tornado, you just didn't know which was gonna hit you, a truck, a leaf or a freakin' cow.

"Kuro-super's so cute. Don't worry I won't tell about your secret identity." _Innocent and childish. _

"What kinda crap are you spouting now? I don't even know why I sat here!" _This was getting annoying. _

"Well, I guess you just couldn't resist." _Seductive._ All this switching was going to give me a headache. But I had to admit a part of me was curious. Not just about how in the world they hadn't dragged this guy to a mental institute, but why was he like this. What was he trying to do? But at that moment my anger was over-riding any hint of curiosity.

"Oh screw this! Listen to me, I don't have to be your personal body guard to protect you. As long as I'm alive, you're safe. So stop talking to me!" _Oh blessed silence!_ It lasted for only a few seconds though, during which I realized that I shouldn't have said that. It simply wasn't true. I can't shun him away just because he's annoying, he needs me more than most….but fuck he's so annoying! My meanest death-glare was met with wide pretty eyes. He blinked a few times, like he was confused. He put his index finger on his lips in mock-thought.

"But, but, Kuro-taaaaaaaaaaaan, I'll miss you!" That whining voice, it's like lightening through my ears, my brain's gonna fry.

"You fucking bitch! Stop it with those silly names!"

"Aww, but they're so cute, Kuro-chan_._" What was up with this blonde, didn't he fear me at all. Everyone around this joint thought twice before approaching me, I've seen the fear in the eyes of men ten times his size.

"Shut the Fuck up!"

"Mr. Black Steal, do you mind keeping the insults at a PG level?" _Where the hell did that come from? And he's actually seriously annoyed by it…? _

"What the fuck? So it's bad to curse but okay to kill? You do realize this is a prison, not an English tea party!"

"But Kurgie, you can be polite and still be a killer!" Now that had me confused.

"Yeah, I'm sure your victims will appreciate it after they're dead."

"Why of course, with a few well chosen words you can make anyone happy, they'll be glad to die by your hands. I'm told smiling works wonders!" He was using that seductive smile again, but it was more than that his eyes were sharp. Suddenly, what he'd just said finally registered and it sent shivers up my spine. I felt like he was talking to me especially, like he was warning me about him. He was warning **Me** about **Him**. I would have laughed at the impossibility, but the look in his cold blue eyes was serious for a change. Too serious and it held me there. I felt like he was finally talking to me.

"Is that why you have a whole collection lined up, waiting to be plastered onto your face?" He smiled softly at that, and looked away. _What? That shut him up!_ One small personal question did what shouts, threats and anger hadn't managed to pull off.

The eerie silence dragged on, felt like I was in a funeral. His eyes were downcast, and in some strange twist of fate I was now the one showering him with attention. The silence just wouldn't end, and I kept expecting him to talk. I found myself wanting to look into his eyes again; there was something there that did scare me. I think…I think it was pain. I think this man was in pain. When I realized that my heart stopped. He'd probably brought most of that with him, but I couldn't help but feel like I'd added to it. I'd failed this man, but I wasn't going to anymore… no matter how annoying he was.

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**I realize the ending is kinda chopped off, but that's because it isn't really supposed to end there. But it just got too long, so I stopped. Anyway, I hope you liked it. **

**By the way, I have done my research on prisons, it may not be 100% accurate, but I'm not just pulling stuff out of thin air. If you notice anything that's wrong, do tell! Speaking of: this is a site I recommend to all: .org/. This stuff isn't a joke. Sorry if I sound like a preacher... **

**Hey, I'm really worried about this being out of character….please tell me about that stuff, it's Very important for me!**

**So Please Review!!!!!!!!**

**I have lots of overdo work to do, so I won't be updating any time soon. I'm also thinking of a few one-shot ideas, so I might work on those. **

**And Last but not least…. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!**

**:D**


	5. Chapter 5: Shocks and Failures

**Everyone, I'm really sorry it took so long! But you know how it is with school and all that… actually you can blame Clamp. Due to my TRC withdrawal-induced cravings and insanity, I've undertaken the task of reading all of the other Clamp works. Which means that in the past week or so, since I last updated, I've read all of Tokyo Babylon, X-1999, Legal Drug, and Chobits, as well as random parts of xxxHolic….Bit obsessive, huh? **

**Oh god, I am an addict. O.O **

**So again, sorry for the lateness. And this section is kinda small….but I just had to give you something. And the last chapter was just so draining……but enough ranting!**

**Enjoy!! And REVIEW! Just click the nice little green button. Just one click and you'll make me happy for a day. Is that really so much to ask. And thank you SO much for those who did review, I really do take all of your reviews to heart! And for those who didn't review, I still love you. Thank you for taking the time of day/night to read this!**

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**Chapter 5: Shocks and Failures**

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**Kurogane's POV:**

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I was in a sour mood ever since that conversation. I swear that blonde has a talent for angering the living hell out of me. It's not really anger, my body was just so tense, and I couldn't even think straight. I kept going over what he'd said and the way that smile was sewed onto his face. How no one saw the stitches is beyond me. But no, I was used to the smile by now. That wasn't it. That wasn't what had me all riled up. It was the way he'd shut up. Just like that. How suddenly the smile wasn't necessary, he just turned away and ignored me like nothing happened. Like he'd just suddenly realized that it wasn't working and…

"Well well, look who's breaking his own rules. Guess we're not so different after all." _Huh? He snuck up on me…..jeez I need to keep my head in the game!_

"What're you talking about?"

"You getting comfy with the new boy, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout." The way his voice sounds, it's like scratching a blackboard. I hate this bastard. I know I've probably said that about a lot of people, but no, this guy I really hate. "That was quite some fun we all had in the morning, I don't think I've laughed this hard in a while now." _Oh perfect, this is exactly what I wanted, my rep going right down the drain._

"I'm warning you, Kyle, I'm not in the mood for you right now and I'd really love to beat the shit out of you. So, SHUT UP!" _I'm already so angry…why don't I just strangle him…GAH!_

"Hey, relax; it's not a crime to gloat." His voice is going to drive me insane, the way he twists the words, coats them with menace! Nothing out of that pit can ever sound good. "I knew you always wanted those butts you protected. You and I, we're the same after all." I was fuming at this point!

"Don't you dare compare me to you, you sick slime." _Never. I could never be so low, so vile! _

"So is his skin really as soft as it looks? I wonder what his face'll look like when he's crying out…" he brought his face up to mine and hissed, "screaming. Sweet screams."

"You keep your dirty hands off of him." I shove him away from me and tower over him, fist in his face. "Or I swear I'll kill you this time! I don't care if I have to live out the rest of my life here." I think for the first time, I actually meant that.

"Uh huh, you said that the last time too, and guess what? I'm still here. You're still here…" he broke off into a creepy giggle-type sound. "So whatcha gonna do? Teach this boy a few moves too, karate-kid." Despite the taunting tone of his voice, I could hear his anger. Saw the way his eyes flared in reflection and remembrance. That made me smile.

"Maybe you should look in the mirror Scar-face! That little boy I taught patched you up real nice. It really becomes you…" I sneer down at him and grin. "If only it wasn't made by a kid half your size." I walk on a thin line with what I do. I can teach guys a few moves if they need it, but the guards will only let it fly if the guys have a low sentence and aren't considered too dangerous. But that means that if the guys fight, they're sentence will increase. It's an annoying deal, but personally, I'd much rather fight and live with dignity. Even if I did get 3 years added to my sentence. They were worth it. Maybe killing this guy'd be worth it too.

"You think it's funny, yeah, laugh away. But we'll see what happens in a few months when superman Black Steal's on the outside. Or did you forget?" _Oh shit… _"Who's gonna protect your little princess then. I win in the end Kurogane, I always win." My heart sank…. I can't allow that.

"How about I kill you, then who wins?"

"Hmmm, you'd do that for him?! How romantic! Oh, I don't blame you. I'd gladly die inside him. Just look at that… it's such a pity you couldn't get to him first. They're always better fresh." _What…no…he's not saying what I think he's saying…._

"What're you talking about?"

"You didn't know? Everyone's talking about it. Right in the middle of the yard, man where were you? The Korean Mafia guy… Lord-what's-his-face…." There was a pause as a cold shiver went up my spine. I couldn't believe it. The guy had been right there in front of me. Fai had asked for my help. I'd… what had I done?

I didn't do anything. That's the problem! Shit!

"Oh My, look at your Face!! Looks like princess didn't tell her prince what the evil witch'd been up to. And here I thought you already knew. Aww, how sad. _Kuro-super_ isn't so supper after all." I could hear his cackling laughter as he left me there. Standing there. Frozen.

_Kuro-super_. That blonde's voice cut through me. I'd failed too many times already, but this…this felt so much worse.

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**Fai's POV:**

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I don't like sitting with others. I usually avoid it. Unless there's a good pretense for it, like watching a fight or a game. It's interesting actually what people used for entertainment when nothing was available. Crazily enough, games were usually played with empty water bottles and shoes, since real balls were only allowed three days a week to only a select few. You know, watching these guys is very entertaining. I like to imagine what they're thinking, or what their back story is. Makes it easier to forget mine.

Keep in mind, that now I have to stay as close to the exit and the guards as possible. Actually, I just found out that their proper name is 'correctional officers', but that sounds way too long and boring, ne?

"Excuse me, Fai-san, can I sit here." _A kid's talking to me? Interesting…? He can't be more than 19… too young to be in a place like this. Poor guy._ I shield my eyes form the sun so that I can look at him, and I sit up from my outstretched position on the floor. Never mind how this kid knew my name, everyone did. The honorific is what struck me. I hadn't heard 'Fai-san' in a while…

"You're Japanese." I wasn't asking a question, though he thought I was.

"Yes, I am, that's actually what I wanted to ask you about." He's so flustered, probably feels awkward doing this. Wonder who put him up to it? "Are you…by any chance…I mean... you're not Japanese are you?"

"Oh, no, I'm not. Why are you asking? And don't get so flustered, come sit." _That's what he'd asked for in the first place, wasn't it? _I patted the patch of sand next to me and smiled up at him. He took the seat, and took his time before talking to me again.

"It's just that, you know about the Japanese nicknames and the honorifics, and me and a couple of others were wondering how…?" That was it…..? I felt a little let down, it'd been a while since I'd talked to anyone….maybe I should start talking to Gramps again….no, I shouldn't….if I want to, then I shouldn't, right?! Oh wait, he'd asked a question…...

"It's quite simple really. I just happen to have lived with a Japanese… family for a time." _Smile Smile._

"Oh good….um not that it matters, really where you're from. It's just that, well, some of us were worried you'd picked it up from here. Umm… well, you know how Kurogane-sensei is; he has quite a temper…. He'd fry us if he thought we'd told you about them." That got me laughing…. Kuro-tan….

"He does, doesn't he?! Kuro-pu sure can put a tomato to shame when he's angry." I didn't realize this back then, but I was actually smiling thinking about that man.

"Well, it was nice meeting you Fai-san. Try to be careful, okay?" It was funny hearing that from a little kid.

"Oh, excuse me. I didn't introduce myself. I'm Syaoran. But everyone calls me Little Mac, it's a long story really…" _What?_

I couldn't hear the rest of what he was saying. I couldn't even think anymore. A part of me registered that the boy had left. Little Mac… that flipped my mood alright…

Coincidences are going to be the death of me.

Mac, huh? ...Wow, what're the odds?

I was already in a bad state of mind, ever-since the failure with Kuro-chan. I guess it wasn't a complete failure though, since he hates me, which is a good thing. But I need him. I don't know why really. It's not like I can't protect myself if I have to, it's just that… I don't want to.

Cowardice and a self-destructive nature aren't the best combination out here.

And I have to stay alive…I have to…

But damn it why did that boy need to be called that….of all the names in the world, and all the nicknames available, it had to be that! This is just making everything worse. I can't keep thinking about this. I can't I….

Oh God! I hate myself!

I couldn't stop thinking those words to myself, I couldn't wash the feeling away.

Hate.

A deep bitter hate stabbing through me, an arrow aimed at my heart.

Self-hate and misery….my specialty.

But I promised I'd change. 'Easier said than done' doesn't even come close to expressing how hard it is for me to… why won't it work?

I'm hating myself for hating myself…smart move, isn't it?

I can't take this anymore, this really has to stop. I need to do something for myself. I really need to just…fight.

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**Kurogane's POV:**** (next morning)**

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Yeah, he was surprised alright. I don't think I've ever seen his eyes get so round. But he eventually seemed to accept the fact that I'd voluntarily seated myself next to him at the table. Neither of us said a word for a time, though I sensed that he wanted to. I'd spent all of last night trying to figure out what to say. I decided that I wasn't going to apologize. I wasn't going to bring up what happened to him. If he blamed me or if he'd wanted to talk about it, he would have. The fact that he hadn't…well if he wasn't going to talk about it, I sure as hell wasn't. _Just talk…!_

"Listen blondie, I know I said I didn't have to be around you all the time. That your safety was guaranteed. But… uh… I still think you should be careful. Stop drawing attention to yourself, and try not to get on anyone's bad side…umm… on second thought, you can hang around me a bit more, I think we need to take extra precautions when it comes to you."

"**Why?**"

He just looked at me with a confused face, frowning even, which I hadn't though he could pull off. Like I'd messed up his plans or something.

At least he didn't bother to smile.

_Wait, I can't tell him that I know, then I'll have to admit I failed…I'll just have to come up with another reason…_

"Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?" _Oh God, what did I just say! Shit! Fuck! Please don't tell me I'm turning red. AHH!_

"Awww, Kuro thinks I'm pretty. I'm so embarrassed!" _Great, he's batting his eyelashes at me over a limp-wrist. He looks so… annoying! _

"HEY! I didn't mean it like that you airhead. I'm just stating a fact. Stop acting like that! For God's sake what did I just say about drawing attention to yourself?!" _This conversation had been so much easier inside my head._

"Hehe, it's okay Kuro-myuu. I don't need you anymore. I'm going to do this my own way. So just sit back and enjoy the show!"

And what a show it was…

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**Oh and that site I was talking about before, it's spr. org…..stop prison rape….**

**Anyway hope you enjoyed…now click the nice little button with the word 'review' on it. **

**Or I'll set my killer-Fai on you… I'm joking. Maybe. **_**Smile smile.**_

**:D**


	6. Chapter 6: Arena

**I'm so sorry I haven't posted in a while, what can I say…finals are a bitch. But I'm on semester break so, yippee. **

**More notes at the bottom, and without further ado, I present the latest installment, Tada!**

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**Chapter 6: Arena **

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**Fai's POV:**

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I don't like to fight. I was always better at running really. So whenever I got into a pinch I just used to run as fast as I could. He was always the one who fought for us. The one who stood up to the rest. He was the stronger part of me. And after he died, I realized I'd betray his memory and his name by running. I couldn't run anymore. That day, something died within me. And it wasn't the part of me that was linked to him; rather it was the part of me that had been me. The whinny part that always asked 'why me'. The annoying part that secretly hated being part of a pair.

If I hadn't been so weak, this would never have happened. If I hadn't wanted out so badly, this would never have happened. My miserable crawling self, filled with pity and loathing. I can't say I gave up on the loathing, I will forever hate myself. But I did give up on the pity. Pity wasn't going to get me anywhere. The day I took up his name, the day I left that hell, everything changed. I think I became him. In a strange twisted way, I became him. I took up his strength and compassion. I took up his power and his love. He'd always been so happy.

After the beatings, he'd hold me close and say, "At least we're alive… at least we have each other. Don't cry. We're there for each other. I love you".

I'm so sorry, but I wasn't there for you. You were always there for me, and I could never say that that was enough. I could never be thankful for my life, for your company, for anything. I'm so sorry! You always looked towards me, and that's where I was looking too. You needed to see me smile, I never gave you that. You needed my love, I never gave you that. I did love you, but not enough.

Apparently, it wasn't enough.

Since then, all that's changed. I had to change. Now that I lived for him. Not exactly thankful, but I lived. He needed love. I didn't give it. He died. He needed protection. I didn't give it. He died. So I gave out love like it was candy and tried to give anything and everything to everyone else.

But enough of that, I won't talk about this anymore. Don't worry about it. Not now. We have a lot more to be thinking about, ne?

I have a fight to win, remember?

And a puppy to scare, of course. Scare far far away.

_Smile smile. _

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**Kurogane's POV:**

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They say that at the Gladiator fights in Rome got so bloody, that even if the fighters did win, many of them went insane. Completely out of it. It wasn't even bloodlust, more like numbness. Like they couldn't think. Couldn't feel. Dead. Though I didn't think of this at the time, but Fai really reminds me of someone who's just numb. Truly numb. Just like those fighter's who'd seen just too much blood.

By the way, don't ask me how I know that. The library in this joint doesn't exactly have a wide variety. And yes, I do read, damn you! I've been in this hellhole for some time, might I remind you, and there's not much else to do here really. Though I do spend most of my time working out, still, I can't do that all the time, now can I? So yes, I do read! I actually considered getting a degree or something a few years back…but Naah. Okay, stop laughing! Fine fine, it was roman gladiator manga, you happy?! Anyway, back to the point.

So there I was in the yard thinking "I'm bored," and just then, lo and behold I got my entertainment. Though it wasn't exactly what I asked for, and looking back at it now I really wish it hadn't happened. The consequences weren't worth it.

It really wasn't!

Well, anyway, after the last time we talked, during which blondie declared his I'm-so-strong-underneath-this-tiny-ass-exterior-that-i-can-do-alone-what-you'd-promised speech, I stopped talking to the freakin' bitch. That little good-for-nothing, ungrateful, smirky little imbecile. Didn't he realize how hard it had been for me to approach him...Bastard! Tchh…like he could survive on his own. It's precisely because of that doubt, that I still kept an eye on him. I don't care how strong he _thinks_ he is, I wasn't about to ditch him again. I couldn't stand it if I failed him again, not for that same arrogance. So I sat next to him and kept an eye out for him. He didn't mention it, but sometimes I'd catch him looking at me. Like he was confused or something. I didn't know what to make of it, but honestly, I didn't care what he thought of me. I was going to protect his ass, whether he wanted me to or not.

That was my arrogance getting the better of me, again. I should have believed that he could handle it. Remember that first impression I had of the guy, on that first day? I thought there was some sort of twisted strength in him… I guess I was right.

I was at the bleachers watching a little skirmish between two Chicanos, when I caught sight of blondie moving to my right. He was standing in the corner with one of his feet up against the metal edge of the bleacher. You know, bright orange really clashes with his hair, but it wasn't exactly an annoying kind of clash. He caught my gaze just then, and suddenly the sun seemed to burn against my cheeks. I kept my eyes level with his, and he simply inclined his head in my direction. A brief nod. With a tilt of his lips and a glint in his eye. Something was coming, I just knew it. And I was right, as usual.

It came in the form of a big bulky son of a Korean mafia leader, it struck me that this must have been the same guy who'd…_shit_…_I'm going to kill him_! Before I could even move a muscle, I watched in horror as the blond whirled around to face the guy. Smile blazing in the sunlight. They were too far away for me to make out what they were saying, but suddenly the blond was giggling. Actually giggling!!! I didn't need to be close to know what it was. The way his head tilts back and his hand covers his mouth. The way he looks past his wrist and bats his eyelashes. It was a Fai-giggle alright, and it made my insides turn! This guy was insufferable. If this is what he meant by 'show' I sure as hell was going to beat the shit out of him for a refund.

The Korean guy (I can never remember his name), cups the blonde's face his overgrown hand and the blond does nothing. He just tilts his head into the touch and smiles. At this point I feel literally nauseated by him. After all I'd tried to do; he gives up and plays right into their hand. Perfect. The fucking whore! But then I notice something's odd. His smile, it's not the same as when he…

**BAM**

The movement was so fast I almost didn't catch it. And that's saying something. The blonde's foot had suddenly snapped up in this elegant twirl. A perfect circle crashing into the guy's face, even I can't make a crescent kick look remotely elegant! And before the guy even had a chance to process it…

**BAM**

The same foot had whirled around again to connect with the other side of his face. What a way to double-slap someone. Wha..! The posture on this guy was perfect, fully composed with that extra edge brought on by the smile. Damn, this guy's kicks are even better than Syaoran's….

But of course, I should have expected the unexpected from this guy.

The Korean's brain finally seemed to start working. He let out a howl of fury and swung his fist into the blonde's face… but it wasn't there anymore. Fai's dodging skills seemed to be even faster that his attacks. In less than a second he'd jumped up onto the bleachers and…whaaa? Shit, he's flipping around like a freakin' China-man in the circus. You know those little dudes that jump around and flip and somersault and do all those mind-blowing stunts like it's the easiest thing in the world… I've never been one for agility or evasiveness, but his guy seemed to use them as his primary strategy. He flipped around enough that he managed to sneak up behind his opponent, which gave him the perfect opportunity to execute a surprisingly powerful low roundhouse kick to the guy's legs.

He…he… actually brought the guy down…

The blonde didn't have much time to bask in his victory, 'cuz two seconds later the loser's posse was on him. Of course it goes without saying that it took them a while to actually get it through those thick skulls of theirs that the lanky, supposedly-dumb-blonde, newbie just beat up on of the buffest guys in this joint. Talk about a high school drama! Also, it's worth noting a few things at this point. One, blondie was laughing through it all. He'd alternate between those _Hyuuu_s of his, chirpy child-like _Weeeee_s, girly-girl giggling, and not to mention random cold stares. Two, everyone, and I mean everyone, down to the fat slob who always smells like shit, was staring at this fight. Three, despite what you may think, this little show only lasted for a little over 2 minutes… yeah I know, it felt like so much longer (wish it was)!

So anyway, where was I? Yeah, so those guys come at him and out of the blue he literally grabs one guy's head, uses that momentum to propel himself upwards, and kicks at the _other_ guy's head. The calculation and effort that went into that…this guy's a pro! Then, before anyone's the wiser, the blonde is suddenly perched on the highest level of the bleachers. Both feet planted against the metal firmly with his hands dangling off the edge. Did I ever mention that he reminds me a lot of a smug little cat? As I look up at him, something in me tells me he's looking at me. Though he's face is blocked from the sun, I can still feel it somehow. His cold stare boring into me. Again, I had a weird feeling that he was setting off that warning sign. Just like that day when we first met…

At this point, a mini crowd had formed and we could all hear the guards yelling and shouting, trying to get to blondie. But before they dragged him away, I distinctly remember thinking: _I really wanna fight this guy_. The very idea of fighting a guy that was strong, but not exactly like the others, was something that could make even a guy like me smile. Blondie sure was something when he had his head in the game. I don't know what it is that I felt at that moment, admiration, fascination, or simply shock.… I don't know, but I don't think I'll ever forget that feeling.

A small cheer went up as Fai was removed from the yard. And even afterwards, no one would shut up about it. It was funny really watching big harsh men get excited over new gossip. All in all, when I finally got to my little bunk and lay down to sleep, I was filled with an overall contentment. Finally an enjoyable day and something worth thinking about!

*

That's when I heard them.

His screams.

Heartrending, Bloodcurdling, Agonized

Screams.

***

**A/N (Just a few notes…that turned out too long):**

**The whole roman gladiator thing is pretty random, and I'm not really referring to an actual roman gladiator manga…though if you guys know of a good one, I'm interested. **

**The reference to the weird head-grab-kick combo is actually from the manga, page 13, chapter 206. It's a priceless moment in the story! But that's obviously only for those who have read the manga… and for those of you who haven't, what in the world are you doing here? Go read the cannon, that'll always be the best Kurofai available! **

**Btw, I based Fai's fighing style on snippets from the anime, manga, and ovas, and its interesting cuz I noticed that there are very few scenes of kuro or fai fighting without weapons…weird. **

**And also, cookies for anyone who can guess who Korean guy is. Though, I don't think his name is explicitly mentioned in the manga. **

**The next chappy should be out within the week, since it's one of my favorite scenes and I'm excited about writing it. Don't get excited though, it's depressing (and I really don't know why I like writing depressing stuff). **

**Anyway, I would now kindly bid you to click the nice little button two milliseconds away from your cursor that reads "Review this Story/Chapter," yes the one in green. Go ahead. I know you want to! **

**And last but not least, if you've gotten his far, know that I really really do love you all. Thank you so much!! Words cannot express my gratitude simply for your existence (I'm being cheesy but that's actually how I feel!) **

**Have a nice day :D**


	7. Chapter 7: Down the Rabbit Hole

**Yeah, so I'd finished this chapter a few days ago, and was about to post when I realized I really hated it. So I scraped it all and wrote this. I like it a lot more and it's more in tune with the story in general. And i just noticed this contains my biggest Fai-section yet...i am so worried about how that turned out....Hope you like it… *starts biting nails nervously***

*****

******

**Chapter 7: Down the Rabbit Hole**

*

**Kurogane's POV**:

*

The superintendent's office was pretty spacious. Not surprising given that the man lived in there for months at a time. It's funny really how the guards seemed to be trapped in here as much as we were. It's a room I got used to a while ago, and the superintendent's been here for as long as I have…pretty long time to stay in one job if you ask me. But I never asked him about it, it wasn't my place. I just work with them because I have to. It's easier to get things done that way. But this wasn't a friendly visit at all…my temperament sure as hell wasn't friendly.

"Sir, what the hell are you doing to that guy down there??!!" I couldn't stop the shaking in my voice, I couldn't help it. It was going to drive me insane. Listening to that man in such obvious pain. That strong man I'd been admiring just a few days ago, reduced to a wailing heap. I couldn't take it anymore!

"Calm down, Kurogane. We're not doing anything; he's just in the hole." _That's impossible._ "And he's only been there for two days."

"You're not doing anything whatsoever to him?" I said. The doubt thick in my voice.

"Nope, not a thing… Must be afraid of the dark." _That's a real cruel jest!! What the hell is wrong with this guy?_

"Stop screwing around!! Can't you hear him?" Again, the anger took control of my voice and body. My fist was clenched and shaking, it was with effort that I managed not to punch the wall. I had to calm down; they won't listen to an angry mobster.

"Listen Kurogane, we let you do what you want sometimes, but that's no reason to start talking like that. We know what we're doing." I took the look in his eyes to be a 'know-your-place' kinda threat. I'd crossed the line. Calming down in a situation like this would be the smart thing to do…but still I couldn't stop my fist from trembling.

"With all due respect, I don't think you do. This is wrong and you know it. He's going insane." _Or I am!! _I bowed my head a little, to show I understood that I wasn't in any position of authority nor was I pretending to be. I may think I'm smarter than this guy, but acting on those thoughts is way too dangerous.

"He's not going insane. We checked his file, no history of claustrophobia or any phobia for that matter. He's probably just acting, seems to be fond of that." _What?!_ How could they say that, that's not acting! People don't just pretend to be in pain like that! It's disgusting and low! But… what this guy was saying started to seriously sink in. I couldn't help it. You know how even if you don't want to think about something, once someone brings it up, there's no escaping your own thoughts. If anyone could act, it was the blonde.

I didn't want to believe that, I didn't want to think about it. For some reason I found myself incapable of doubting the guy. Maybe I was being gullible, but for now I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. "You're basing this on a stinking file, not everything is written on paper, you know. For God's sake Sir, listen to reason."

"This isn't out of the ordinary Kurogane, a lot of the guys start screaming. We're not about to treat him any different for everyone else." _But…!_

"This is wrong."

"No, it's procedure. Let me ask you this, if it was Kyle down there, would you be saying it was wrong?... Yeah, I thought so. Now, you listen to me, I don't know what type of relationship you have with this guy, but guess what, he's no angel. I'll have you know, when it comes to record, this guy beats Kyle 3 to 1."

"What? … That's impossible…" Kyle's been charged with over… no way! That would mean the blonde…no way! Then I remembered what he'd said all those days ago. _Why of course, with a few well chosen words you can make anyone happy, they'll be glad to die by your hands. I'm told smiling works wonders!_

No! This is ridiculous! What, he smiled people to death?

That's just silly! The anger that was making my brow furrow earlier was replaced with confused thought. The Warden was still talking to me…

"Yeah well, that's what's in the file…. Now, is there anything else you'd like to discuss?" _No, thanks. You've already given me way too much to think about, thank you very much!_

**

**Fai's POV: (Two days prior)**

*****

I strut out of there like a champion. I can hear their cheers. I haven't felt so charged in ages. No, longer than that. In an eternity. But I don't want to think that far back. Best concentrate on this feeling. This feeling I have now. Pure adrenaline, my brain's high on it… Don't think about anything else right now. Just ride it out. This feeling. It's nice.

I smile.

Something about it reminds me of Kuro-myuu. He was smiling up at me like a little boy. Again, that admiring innocent gaze. So pure. I…. Don't.… He shouldn't look at me like that. I'm not what he…I shake my head. This pang in my chest threatened to ruin my mood. Don't think about it now.

They're talking to me. I guess we're there. Wherever it is they're taking me. Bring it on. I don't care. You can't do anything to me. You can't even see me. Bring it on. Physical pain and torture, I've slept with those for as long as I can remember. Emotional pain…there can't be anything worse than my current condition. I'm laughing hysterically again. Probably not the best thing to do in the current situation, but my brain manages to push that thought away, as usual. _Who cares?!_

Ooooooooooh…I'm going to be placed in 'the hole'. Hehe. The first thing that comes to mind is a nice little rabbit hole. Little bunnies. I'd fit in quite nicely in a bunny hole, ne?

I'm shoved in roughly, but that doesn't wipe the smile off my face. No way.

_Smile smile._ I think I even wave 'bye bye' at them.

They close the door.

Darkness.

My smile is still etched onto my face. It takes a moment for me to realize it's no longer needed. The strange thing is: it's grown on me. That smile. The whole idea of smiling. It's something a crazy part of my brain needs. I think I'd love to believe that the acts I pull off are real. I'd love to believe.... Maybe it's that feeling itself that makes me smile even now when there's no one looking. I slump against the overgrown metal door and slide down against the cold steel. Face buried in the palm of my hand, eyes shielded with my bangs. A meek laugh escapes my lips.

Shit.

You know, that feeling…that shit-feeling. Not as in "oh shit I forgot something," or "oh shit I'm in trouble." Just that emptiness between active periods. When you're all alone at night and there's nothing to take your mind off things. No job or school. No one around, nothing awake to even feel your presence. When you find yourself unable to sleep, no release available from your insistent thoughts. You know that feeling at night, when you know you're trapped because you've run from everyone else, but can't run from yourself?

Yeah, that feeling.

This is what sleeping pills are for, God damn it! What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I can't see anything in this hell-hole. Can't hear anything either. More bitter laughter as I realize, this is probably what those guys were thinking when they called this place 'the hole'. It's a literal hole. Pure black darkness. Not my cup of tea at all.

I explore the place a bit, I'm going to be in here for a while I need to get used to it. Three-by-five steps, how nice. Toilet in the corner, and…nothing else. No wooden bed, no bunk, no concrete-extended-from-the-wall-to-make-a-lame-attempt-at-a-bed. No, nothing. Guess it's the floor then. I feel around the floor a little bit, there should be a blanket. Nope, no blanket. Great…I can't fiddle around with that. They must have thought of it…

There.

Is.

Nothing.

To.

Do.

No moonlight, so I can't start finding animal shapes in the darkness. Jeez, my eyes can't even adjust to the dark, it's completely impossible to see. Maybe my eyes will forget how to see…that'll probably be an unexpected bonus to this dandy little visit. Can't count on it though.

No specks on the wall, so there's nothing to count. I could just count, but that's bound get old real quick. Better than nothing I guess. 100, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95…

Ten, nine, eight, six, five, four, three, two, one. Wow, that was quick. Maybe a bigger number…no this is silly. I can't keep this up all day. I don't know what it is that'll make me go insane, the darkness or the boredom. There's too much time, and nothing to fill it with. I can't NOT do anything! If I don't do anything, I'll have to start thinking. And thinking is over-rated, ne? I guess that's the idea behind this place. Get them to think themselves to death. Shouldn't be too hard. Maybe I should start imagining things, fantasies (no, not those types of fantasies). But I should be able to come up with a few interesting stories.

Hmm, let's see. Once upon a time there was a little puppy called Kuro-woof. Kuro-paw really hated…hmm, what would he really hate? Kuro-maw really hated… lace, but his mistress was so very fond of it. Especially pink lace accompanied with nice purple satin. But Kuro-puff would never admit the satin was nice and soft, oh no! What mattered was that the little girl who loved him liked them…. Yes, he does seem like the kind of guy that would do all sorts of crazy things for people he cared about…

This story is lame!

Hyuuuu! Maybe I'll turn it into a song and annoy him with it! A nursery rhyme about Kurgie-pie, yes that does sound like fun…!!

I shouldn't be doing this, I shouldn't be thinking about him. Of all people. Damn. Now I don't have anything to do anymore.

ARGH! I yell in frustration and slam my head against the door. What do they expect us to do down here exactly, reflect on our oh-so-evil wrongdoings? Like that's going to work. Self-reflection, I do too much of that already. I should write a book on all the ingenious lessons I've learned in life. Lesson number one: "Don't stay alive!"

No, I shouldn't be thinking that. I promised not to…I can't. I can't think about this…I…

Wait a second. It's at that moment that I get an idea…something to do. That's what I'm supposed to be doing down here anyway. My hysterical laughter starts up again. This is actually a really good idea…I'll play their game. Just like I always do...

I'll play their game!

But the downside to what I do is…well, it's obvious really… it's inevitable that I get trapped in my own games…it was always inevitable. If you step through the looking glass, there's no one but yourself on the other side. There's no way out of the rabbit hole.

Another mistake. Ever since I got here I seem to have found a way to maximize the number of mistakes it's possible to make in a day. A new high-score!

I don't know when it was exactly, but _did_ start to scream.

**

**Kurogane's POV: (Two days later)**

*****

It was on the fourth day that they finally let him out. He had some sort of physical seizure or something, so the guys monitoring the cameras finally decided no one was that good an actor. Looking at him through the glass doors was one hell of an experience. Like taking that strong confident man I'd seen perched on the bleachers and flipping around all of his character traits. But not really. This guy was always there, always there in that far away glazed look. This pain was behind that smile…it was always there. But how could someone so strong be so weak…it really was confusing!

"What happened to his hands?" I asked hesitantly. He wasn't bandaged the way one would expect with a normal hand injury. Instead each figure was wrapped separately so that he looked even more like a street fighter. The contradiction behind that was a bitter one. Another reminder of his two-sided nature. Strong and weak…

"It seems he was trying to claw his way out of there. I've never seen anything like it. Fingers sure aren't a match against solid steel and concrete. He tore away three of his fingernails." The warden seemed to have lapsed into a doctor's role and was giving me a full diagnosis of the guy…most of it going right over my head. "He doesn't seem able to move his wrist, seems to be some kind of somatoform disorder, so it's another psychological problem." Yeah…I totally know what that is…Tchh! "But he does have two cracked ribs…so there is something physically wrong with him….God knows how that happened! There's nothing in there that can crack a rib".

"Maybe he got it before, during the fight." But even as I said that, I wasn't convinced at all. There's no way you can keep fighting without at least acknowledging a cracked rib.

"We examined him before he went in there…this guy's the biggest enigma that ever walked in here!" _Tell me about it!_

"Did he say anything? What's wrong with him?"

"He hasn't said a single word. The psychiatrist can only guess, so it's inconclusive. But it's looking like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." Well, at least that's something that I know about. Stupid psychologists just love to diagnose everyone with that…but looking at the blonde I can't say they weren't right this time. The point was that there was something seriously wrong with this guy, and I had been right!

"I could say 'I was right,' and feel all smug about it, but what concerns me now is what you plan to do with him." The warden must be facing real issues already…but still I couldn't resist rubbing it in more. "Neglect of a prisoner, lack of accurate judgment that caused severe problems for another human being, failure to meet human rights regulations…. You must be in a real hot-spot, especially considering what happened last June! You don't need another media-crossfire do you?"

"Yes, and so we've taken new measures to compensate for this 'lack of judgment', as you call it. The psychiatrist has suggested co-habitation." _Wait, hold on a sec, does that mean what I think it means?! _"Says the man needs company and social attention more than anything. In order to improve his coping skills…it's a pile of psycho bullshit! They recommend extending his… play-time and bunking him up with one of his friends…as if it's the easiest thing in the world. Like we don't have to change a billion rules…as if it's even necessary!"

"Whaaaat? I thought you said he was high-security mass murderer, how the fuck does he get special treatment." _Oh crap, I knew my involvement was going to bite me in the ass!_

"Come on, Kurogane. Isn't this what you wanted?" He was taunting _me_ now…great, like I need this!

"NO! There has to be someone else…I don't have the patience. What about Gramps, or Marco Polo the nerdy guy…or…" _Anyone else!_

"'Gramps' shouldn't be placed with this guy in particular…too risky given their backgrounds. And anyone else is too unfamiliar…. He needs a friend." I'll give this guy something; he seems to be as annoyed with this prospect as I am. "Listen to me, Kurogane. I know you don't like the idea of this but it is something only you can do. I think you can handle yourself best with this type of guy."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you're a very observant guy, and if anyone's going to find the real demons in his closet, it'll be you." So he still doubts the blonde's 'acting.' How is that even possible! Didn't the guy prove himself already?! The superintendent was quite before hesitantly adding…

"Just be careful he doesn't woo you too."

(o.0)

"HEY WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?!!!

"Nothing, nothing…" The guy was smirking…. Oh come on!

**

*

**Heyyy, no cliffy this week! (wait, I'm not sure if this counts as a cliffy…o.0 )**

**Hyuuuu, that's over and done with. Next chapter they're rooming together!!! Isn't that just wonderful. Oh and medium security prisons often have more than one inmate per cell….so I'm not going insane. But more about that later.**

**hey guys, serious question: the chapters are getting longer for some reason...do you guys mind???**

**And thank you all so very much for reviewing and story alerting and all that!! It makes me so happy! 65 reviewsssssssssssssss. Did I ever mention just how much I love you all?!!**

**Now press the little green-lettered button and make me happy!! :D**

**Have a Nice Day!**


	8. Chapter 8: Emptiness and Responsibility

**Author's Notes: **

**I am SOOOOO sorry for taking so long. Writer's block what can I say. But I finally figured it all out, so the next chappy will be out sooner. I promise. **

**Without further ado: Enjoy!**

*******

**Chapter 8: Emptiness and Responsibility**

*******

**Kurogane's POV:**

*****

It isn't often that I have to bunk up with someone. Being me, I get a few special treatments. I gotta admit I didn't quite like it at first, 'cause I didn't like to be treated differently. But then I guess the dip-shits in this joint started getting to me. They can be real annoying, so I took up the offer. Now I got a room to myself. (Ha, I mean a cell. You forget where you are when you've been here as long as I have.) There's always an extra bunk in the room though, and every once in a while they bring in someone that needs it. Syaoran's the last one that was in here, I can't help but feel real proud thinking 'bout him. I did well with that guy.

Wish I'd done half as well with the one that had been here before that. I came in too late to save him, too much time had passed. I can't describe to you what it's like to walk into a cell and find a friend convulsing on the ground, blood everywhere. And he was a friend, a good one too, but he just couldn't handle it. He couldn't fight. It perplexes me sometimes how some guys just lose their will to live like that. There was so much to live for, even in this joint. Even when you were never gonna get out, it don't mean you can't do anything. But not many are into reading or writing or working on themselves. Most of them find it hard enough to live with themselves as it is. But even if I don't get them, and even though I complain about it, I can't shrug off the responsibility.

I didn't really think I had that much to offer these guys; sometimes it's just too late. But I like to believe I could change them. Before Syaoran'd come here I'd refused to take anyone in for nearly three years. Not since I walked in on that sight. You'll be surprised at how people with no will to live and no courage to face life can look death right in the eye. I hated to admit it, but it took some twisted sense of courage to bite down on your own tongue so hard you literally drown in your own blood.

But I still took Syaoran in. Maybe 'cause he was 19, same age I was when I came in here, maybe 'cause he was Japanese, or maybe cause I wanted to believe that a guy like him, a guy like me, could make it.

I want to believe that Fai'll make it. It makes me sick to think I might walk in on him dying in his own blood. But I won't fail again. I can't.

Looking at him though, just staring of into nothingness, eyes glazed, I really did start to worry. They brought him in two weeks ago, when he finally started to eat real food. I hated living with him when he was in this state. On principle I stay away from sick people… don't ask me why, not now. But he was worse than 'sick'. It's like he'd resigned himself to death or something, but was still going through the motions of life because something I didn't know held him here against his will.

I didn't like it. I really didn't like it.

"Oi, get up! The food's here…" No response.

"Come on. Just get up." _Please,_ I added to myself. I preferred it when he was smiling like an idiot. At least that was doing something. I climb down from my top bunk to have a good look at him. I don't like it. His sunken eyes, his chapping lips, that frozen frame. He still couldn't move around too much, waiting for his ribs to heal up. If it weren't for that, I'm sure he'd have been curled up. Probably rocking back and forth. He still went through some repetitive movements, like swaying his head to either side or opening and closing his eyes. He was just laying there; I think that's what bugged me the most. I couldn't stop the images of my mother sick and stiff on her futon. I drive those thoughts away. This guy won't die, not if I have anything to say about it.

On a lighter note, I did come to one conclusion though, there was no way this guy was faking.

"Are you sure, Kurogane?" I remembered the superintendent saying.

"Yes, I'm sure! His face never changes. Not even a small flicker when he goes about doing the little things he does. If he'd been faking he'd have slipped up somehow. But it's been weeks and he hasn't given himself away." I'd said with full conviction.

"Kurogane, please don't get mad, but maybe you're a bit biased. Don't look at me like that, just think about what I'm saying. Maybe you're seeing what you want to see." I still don't get his logic, even now.

"Sir, when have I ever been wrong about this sort of thing? Please trust my judgment on this. I know what I'm talking about, I can just sense it." Maybe I shouldn't have said that, should have stuck to the strict observations. No emotions…but I'm not about to lie, I _can_ just sense it.

Every time he interacts with me (and I call it interaction because I can't think of any other word, since in reality I doubt its anything close to that), I can sense it emanating from him. That strange feeling of being broken. Like his frequency's off. Like he's just empty. He never looks me in the eye, not because there's no eye contact, there is. But he's not looking. If I cross his path (which is rare 'cause he rarely gets up anyway) he looks at me like I'm not even there, but he still steps aside. So he is reacting, I guess. It happened once that we stepped aside at the same time and in the same direction, you know how that happens? Well, it happened and I felt like it wouldn't end. Three times we tried to avoid one another and only ended up stepping in the same direction. The whole time, inch by inch, as we took small steps forward, we got closer.

I noticed a bunch of things at that moment. I noted exactly how much shorter he was than me, the top of his blond head on level with my eyes. He was still staring ahead, like he could see through me or something. I didn't like it. I really really didn't like it. I wanted to look right into his eyes, but at the same time I didn't want to. I didn't want to look straight at him, and have him looking through me full on. Does that make sense? 'Sides, what if it made him react funny, or worse, what if he didn't react at all? Thinking back on it I'm glad I didn't look at him, I just might have given up. But seeing as I didn't look at him, right then and there my one priority was to get him to react to me. To see me.

I had to get him to respond somehow. I had to do something, but what? The superintendent was starting to give up. If he wasn't up by the end of the month he was going to be sent off somewhere else. But I didn't want that. 'Cause that would mean I'd failed. I can't fail with him!!

By the way, he still hadn't spoken a word. It had been so long since I'd heard that voice of his, but if I though hard enough I could certainly remember it. Ringing in my ears. That laugh he'd laughed when he was fighting. That silly expression… His hand hasn't moved either, even when he gets up to conduct the motions of living; that hand stays limp. So strange, and he doesn't even notice. I doubt he cares about anything. I look at him now and wonder where that strong fighter's gone off to.

***

**Fai's POV:**

*****

_The cold air and the wet musky feeling that comes with being underground. The scratchy noises of the hustle and bustle upstairs crashing down on my ears. One thing's pleasant about this place; the smell of too many human bodies crammed in a tiny space is far weaker down here. An image flashes before me of all the people above, the kids. Like I'm seeing all of their faces in fast-forward. Images screeching by. Strange. _

_The banging footsteps come. Like I knew they would. The loud cranking as the chains and bolt are removed. The thunderous descent. The sound comes slowly, not like the images. Slowly, it comes. Like a record stuck on replay. For a second I feel that the voice I know will come may indeed stop. Maybe this time it won't play out that way. Please please…my head hurts... _

"_Brat look at what your stupid brother's done". The glimpse of golden matted hair behind her, much lower than where it's supposed to be. No! No, he's supposed to be in the attic. Up there looking out the window, like he always does. No! Please!!! _

_A scream scratches its way out of my dried throat. A scream that seems to drag on forever. _The world begins to shake…that's new…

_Cold. It's so cold._

But there's something wrong, wasn't it colder last time?

_Cold. The air. His hand. I grip his hand. That one image that I will never forget. Our identical hands, fingers entwined together, as though I was holding on to dear life. The opposite is true. His hand is so cold. I can't make it warmer. I'm so sorry Fai, I can't warm your hands the way you used to do. This is Death's Cold, the color of our eyes staring back at me. That chapped mouth overflowing with blood, long since dried. Long since dead. _

_NO!! Please, please… _

"Snap out of it!! …Snap out of it Fai." _Fai…what? But I'm not the one speaking... This isn't how it's supposed to play out._

The earth is shaking, that's good. It hasn't before_. Maybe I'll be swallowed up this time. Maybe now it'll end .I want out! OUT! _

"Fai!! Open your eyes, damn it, open your eyes!!" _They are open, I don't understand._

They are open…

…

Where am I? This isn't the basement. I'm in…Oh, right. I'm in prison…

Kurogane? You look so frightened. What in the world could make you look like that? I don't like this expression on your face. Please change it. Where's that scowl? Are you looking at me like that? Your eyes are so close; I never noticed how they're actually red. They don't beat my cursed eyes, though. Don't look into my eyes like that. What is that expression on your face…sadness?

I don't understand.

All of these questions, everything that just happened. I don't understand.

Your hand on my shoulder, you must have been trying to wake me. Thank you. I sigh, the pain in my ribs finally registering, but I don't really care about it. I have to go back to sleep. I'm still dazed, my mind not fully making the transition from dream to reality. But that doesn't stop me from noticing that something's strange. Something's crushing my hand. I look down at the hand I'd forgotten for the past…how long has it been?

His fingers are entwined in mine, gripping them tightly.

Kurogane…?

His eyes are still set on mine, how did I not notice this before? His eyes have been looking more and more…with every passing day, with the hours I didn't notice. His eyes are becoming…

Empty.

My brain froze as I really looked at the man before me. His eyes had relaxed somewhat, but that emptiness remained. Seeing him like that…I don't know how to describe it. I think I finally woke up. I was making him sad…or something like that. I didn't quite understand that. But no matter what the details are, I knew I was the cause of this. And I hated myself for it.

This was the last thing I ever wanted. I can't keep causing people pain. Never mind why in the world he would possibly feel like this, I still feel responsible.

I couldn't go on like this. I had to stay alive. Because I'd made a promise, as I'd gripped that cold hand so long ago. The hand that gripped me now was hot, but the promise was the same.

_*** _

_**A/N: **_

_**Wow that srsly got lame in the end….oppsy. This ain't my favorite. The next one should be better. **_

_**Again, I'm sorry it took so long. But I'd still love for you to review as always. And THANK YOU for everyone who did review, and everyone who's reading this right now. And because I just discovered how to reply to reviews (no joke I'm that stupid), I'll be doing that from now on. Sorry I haven't so far. **_

_**Also I need your help everyone! I'm taking a creative writing class and I need to know what I'm bad at. Srsly, I'm actually asking for constructive criticism. You guys would do me a huge favor with this. And not just about this chapter, though I don't expect you guys to read that stuff again, just please if you can remember anything… that would be swell. Thanks in advance. **_

_**Speaking of that class, I've been writing other shit, so I'm really worried if I lost kurofai's **__**voice**__**…know what I mean? **_

_**Plot note:**__** the fact that Fai's eyes are cursed will be explained later…**_

_**And last but not least, I love you all, take care of yourselves. :D**_


	9. Chapter 9: Children's Games

**I AM SO SORRY! There really is no valid excuse for not updating in SO long. Jeez, where did those 2 months go? It's unforgivable, but believe me when I say that I am sorry and that I never forgot about you all and this story. It was always there, it just didn't feel like coming out…. so without further ado, Enjoy:**

**Chapter 9: Children's Games **

**Kurogane's POV:**

I woke up the next day feeling strangely…warm? I wasn't exactly awake yet; I was just in one of those brief moments between awareness and sleep, when you first start getting a feel for reality. Your ears start picking up sounds and your brain thinks about things only halfway coherent. It was in this state of mind that I say I felt 'warm.' I don't know if that's a good word really, but I just felt different. After the numbness that defined the last two weeks, I felt like today was going to be different. Slowly opening my eyelids, I realize that I don't have the usual view of the ceiling. I'm looking at the backside of a bunk bed, my bunk bed. But that would mean…

I was in his bed.

I lift my head only a little bit to get a clearer view of what exactly the situation is. Catching a glimpse of blond hair resting right above my chest, the heart beneath it saw fit to lapse into a frenzied confusion. _He's sleeping on me!_ That much was clear, but how? Trying to get a grip on the situation I let my other senses wake up and assess the situation. There wasn't much noise coming from the hallway, which meant that it wasn't exactly morning, judging by the light in the room it was around 5 and the guards wouldn't be waking us up for at least another hour. As I thought of this, the main sense that I'd been trying to ignore was just about to burst; my sense of touch. I could _feel_ him.

I could feel the slow rise and fall if his chest against mine, the warmth of his body radiating into me, his breath spreading soft ripples against my skin. A part of my brain was commenting on the fact that since I usually sleep shirtless, I was literally laying half naked with this guy. I was getting goose bumps with that breath of his charging across the surface of my skin. As if in response, my own breath hitched and a strangled sigh escaped me. _He's actually here, right here! _My heart refused to stop its incessant beating, hammering at the walls of my chest. The blonde shifts slightly and sighs in return, like he can hear my heart's strange pulsation. I realize for the first time that his hand is curled between his face and my chest, and his other hand…where was it? It's strange how when you can't look at something, it takes twice as long to figure it out. Again, I try to judge the situation based solely on touch.

Oh…

I reprimand myself mentally. I should have figured this out sooner, but my whole arm is slightly numb, he's been sleeping on it all this time. And his hand is still in mine. Our fingers entwined together. A memory from the night before drifts over to the foreground of my mind.

He was having a nightmare again, screaming and shaking. I climbed down to calm him. It had never worked before. Usually he just kept on screaming. But this time something was different about his hand, the one that stays limp most of the time… it had started shaking. Pulsating and jerking like a spider under electric shock. So I held it. Held his hand and gripped it tight. It was too dark to really see his face, but something about his aura seemed to have calmed down somewhat. He was breathing steadily, so I just stayed there, sitting at the edge of the bed waiting for him to sleep. Like a child.

That was the last thing I remembered, I assume that after that I somehow fell asleep next to him. He hadn't shunned me away yet, he was right there and he was holding onto me. After so many days and hours of being ignored like a passing fly, it felt so strange that he was acknowledging me now. Not only acknowledging me, he was holding me. His soft fingers griping me with strength that should not be possible for a sleeping man. It was…

I've described this feeling as a sense of 'warmth,' but that doesn't really do it justice. It was beyond comprehension, as these things usually are. You can't really put your finger on it… I can't even say that it was pleasant. It was powerful, for sure. As I was trying to come to terms with the feelings coursing through me, the blonde shifted again, and I was suddenly extremely apprehensive. _I don't want him to wake up!_ I didn't want to risk seeing that dead look in his eyes; I didn't want my silly notions to go flying out the window. I wanted this moment to last, this feeling that he was actually here. Right here with me. In those fleeting moments before he woke up a thousand images flashed through my mind. Of him letting go of my hand, of him ignoring me, those dead blue eyes; His warmth suddenly leaving me, my body shivered at the mere thought.

But he wasn't awake yet, and it was not yet the time to face reality. I calmed down somewhat, relaxed my breathing. Though my heart did remained on second gear, pumping blood through my system trying to keep it on full alert. I had to be calm to take in this moment in its entirety. Another soft sound came to me from the somewhere beneath the blonde strands, a sound like something between a yawn and a grunt. It was a coherent sound with something beneath it. Maybe I was making something out of nothing, but it seemed more…real than before. More alive, if I dare say.

He moved again, and I was sure that he was beginning to wake up. I cursed myself for moving around and prepared myself mentally for that dead gaze. As if in slow motion, I saw the hand that was rested on my chest stretch out, felt the shoulders roll and the soft tingling of his hair brushing against my suddenly sensitive skin. Finally, as if after an eternity, his face lifted up and I saw his eyes.

They were soft and calm, certainly alive, their gaze meeting mine full on. He was actually looking at me.

And then it came… something I'd never seen before. Something that affected me in ways I still can't comprehend. Something more magnificent than the blonde fighting under the afternoon sun, more exotic than that phoenix tattoo, more strange than a hundred nicknames… it was something miraculous.

His smile.

His smile. The real thing shining bright. God, with his hair adorning his face like the finest silk, and with those sparkling eyes…he looked like something miraculous indeed. Adonis incarnate. A creature right out of a fairytale. And then came that soft voice, which I had not heard for weeks except in distorted screaming. A voice to rival a siren's or even a god's.

"Ohayo, Kuro-sama" he said as he curved his back like a cat, one hand to support his weight, was still against my bare chest (above my left nipple if you must know). The other one was at my side and oddly enough we were still holding hands… we both looked at our hands, neither of us really comprehending this strange spectacle. His fingers began to move, a small simple gesture, _time to part_. My heart lurched and curled itself inside my throat, an acid-like feeling seeping into my lungs making it hard to breathe. One simple gesture and I was already on the verge of sheer panic. I kept it in check, out of habit perhaps, nothing showed on my face. At least I hoped it didn't. And then our hands separated, and we just sat there on the bed in silence.

I tried to look at him to see some sort of answer in his eyes. Why had he suddenly come alive again? But more importantly, what the hell was that feeling that was slowly creeping up on me? But his eyes offered no reply; they didn't even return my gaze. That alone had me worried again. More worried than I should have been. He was looking at his own hand, as if contemplating some great mystery. At least I wasn't the only one in need of answers! Then I noticed something, something was missing and I hadn't picked up on it because I wasn't used to it being there in the first place.

His smile….that brilliant smile was gone.

I think any semblance of rational thought left me at that instant. It was like everything that I had ever experienced or felt, every person I'd met and talked to, every action my limbs ever led me through, every thought in my head, all of it just clicked into place. Like the clock's spinning gears aligning together to give off that final toll. That sound, the very harbinger of change. Everything literally clicked into place.

Before I realized what I was doing, I found myself hugging the man. Embracing him as I had never touched another human being in my life. Not even my parents had won such affection, as I thought in those times that affection itself was a flaw and weakness. I can't say I stopped thinking that. I can't say I realized the value of affection and enlightenment suddenly dawned on me. I'm not saying that at all, it just doesn't happen that way. Again, I wasn't exactly in a rational state, there was no concrete thought behind this action. It was just something that happened. Something that flowed through me and demanded that I be connected to this man before me.

"Kuro…?" asked a hesitant voice, but there was only a moment before he too returned the …hug. _Have I ever even hugged someone other than my parents and Tomoyo? Why? What's happening?_ But those questions were too faint to really make an impact on my thinking process. I don't think my brain even registered that I was hugging someone else. As though in that instant I had been reverted back into…a child. An impulsive child. An impulsive energetic and content little child.

And we stayed like that, like too children. I even feel like a kid just thinking about it, now. I don't know how long we stayed like that, does it even matter. I guess it was out of relief, sheer relief that he was finally awake. That he wasn't going to be stiff as a corpse anymore, that he wasn't going to waste away before my eyes. That he was back.

The crazy idiot was back!

**Fai's POV:**

I think the last person to hug me must have been Fai, all those years ago. The grown-ups that tried to look out for me and comfort me don't really count. And the kids clutching at my legs don't count either. Always there was an imbalance in those hugs. Sanding on tiptoes or crouching down, a lopsided hug trying to accomplish something. A desperate attempt to reach someone, to say "I'm here for you" or "It'll be all right" or "it's okay"…this wasn't any of those hugs.

This was just a simple "I'm here."

_I'm here_… and I'm sorry. I made you worry. I made you sad. But I can't do that anymore. So yes, I'm here. I'm here for as long as I can. For as long as you want me. For as long as Hitzusen will allow. For as long as my life and my nature will allow.

It was bittersweet. As I hugged him I already knew that this was not going to last. That the sanctuary of this prison could only shield me for so long…and then I'd have to face reality again. Face the real consequences of what I had done and what I had failed to do. The prison was not my punishment; this prison was only my purgatory, a stop on the way to hell. But my hell is in me, forever there, lurking in the shadows, waiting for an opportune moment to strike me at my weakest. I thought in that hole that I could laugh in the face of my demons, that I could play along with their game. But this was never really a game…I'll have to explain all this to him; I owed him that at least. But that scared me. My sense of righteousness towards him was inexplicable. I just didn't want him to worry, and I didn't want him to think I was faking.

That in itself was strange. Wasn't I trying to get him to hate me? Now I wanted him to know I wasn't lying. I wanted him to know that I really was screwed up these past…how long has it been anyway? But why did I want him to know that? To explain it would give away too much, there's no way I'm talking about all that. _But no more games, it's not like they're working anyway. _When I wanted to scare him away he only ended up being drawn in. and then I got half rapped and trapped in a hole. _What the hell is wrong with me? No. No more games… _

But I can't be myself. I don't even know who I am… I don't know, I just don't know. I'll try. I'll try, for you Kuro-chi. I'll try so that I won't have to see your sad face again. I'll try so that I won't be a burden to you. This is probably the best way after all.

Who I really am is scarier than any mask.

And you will run in horror. I know you will. But in the meantime, I'll try to smile.

For you…

I sighed into his neck. It was so warm; I really could have stayed there forever.

Right there in that moment of childish surrender, suspended in time. I began to laugh, as only one can laugh in that situation. It was absurd really how two full-grown men were acting so hopelessly innocent. Hopeless…

_Jeez, what have I done to this man that could have gotten him into… Hugging?_

But it was nice while it lasted, as all these things are. He stiffened at my laughter. Must have thought I was joking around or teasing him. I guess he's right a little bit. I was teasing. But I was teasing the both of us. Like the grown-up me suddenly stepped up to the plate and called the kids out. This was not a child's game. And we weren't young anymore.

He broke it off, and the moment was lost to the silence that engulfed us. But it was always there, fluttering on the sidelines. You can't ever really dispel that childish innocence, and no one ever really wants to.

I tilt my head sideways and stare into his averted eyes. Smiling. "Kuro-sama's so cute when he's blushing!" and it's not like I was faking, he really was adorable.

"MY NAME'S KUROGANE! AND I AM NOT CUTE!" The angry Kuro's back with a vengeance!

And how easy it was to fall into that pattern of cat and mouse fights. The teasing and the threats. Like we'd done this a hundred times in a hundred different worlds. And so we ran around, which is funny in itself. A small space meant the running around mainly consisted of me crouching on the top bunk while he hollered at me from bellow. Like a cat up a tree running from a barking dog. And whenever I'd wince in pain, as my ribs and hand still weren't in the best of conditions, he'd stop and ask if I was okay. A testament to the fact that this chasing and running really was just a front. A game…

This game was alright, though, because it was Our game.

**A/N: Again, I'm so sorry and I really hope you liked it. Review as always… and thank you all so much for reviewing, I can't believe I'm almost at a 100 reviews! Hyuuu! You guys really are amazing and just thinking about you all gets me smiling. So thanks for that! But please be honest in your reviews and point out any and all problems or confusions…**

**Also, I can't believe that the actual events of this chapter dindt cover more than a few minutes and it ended up being 5 pages? What can I say these two have a lot of stuff to blabber about, I hope it wasn't too annoying. **

**The semester will be over first week of June, and I will definitely update faster during the summer. I can't wait for classes to end! **

**Anyway, thank you all once again, and please review!**

**To "holic" who submitted an anonymous review that I couldn't reply to: **_**it means a lot to me too, the fact that I've connected with a random-reviewer :P it really made my day when I got your review because it was really concrete and mostly because that moment that you're referring to is coming right out of my own experience, and there it is being mirrored by you. I find it endlessly interesting how we can connect with people who, as you said, we'll never meet. So thank you and it really does mean a lot to me! Take care and msg me whenever you like. **_


	10. Chapter 10: Routine and Laughter

**Everyone, I am so sorry. This story has been constantly on my mind, it just didn't form itself into anything until now. So here you all go, and since we're on summer break I promise to get you the next chapter quicker. Also, this is a lot longer than the others; I figured I might as well pay you all back for waiting around for so long. I'm so sorry again.**

**Enjoy!**

...

...

**Chapter 10: Routine and Laughter**

**...**

**Fai's POV:**

**...**

During the rest of the week, the warden saw to it that I followed a very strict routine:

I was to wake up with everyone at 6 sharp.

Eat in my room. Alone.

Sit in my room. Alone.

Visit the Doc and the Shrink, such fun!

Then, sit in my room some more.

Alone… God knows what Kuro-chan was up to!

Then visit the library, which I was never allowed to do before.

Then sit and read in my room. Alone.

THEN I'D PLAY WITH KURO-TAN!

Then I'd sit. Alone.

Read. Alone.

Then we'd sleep —Alone.

…

…

Then I'd wake up at 6, and Eat and Sit and Sit and Visit and then Sit and Read and Sit and—Gah!

This went on for two days.

Anyone can see that there was something seriously wrong with that schedule.

….

There simply wasn't enough PLAYTIME!

It's very easy to acknowledge that what a recovering trauma-patient needed more than anything was lots and lots of playtime with his favorite toy who happened to be an angry Japanese fighter who didn't exactly happen to share his enthusiasm, or tried not to at least.

Either way, after those two days, I managed to convince the Shrink that I was just a lonely little sucker who needed company and affection and the all-powerful-ingredient-sometimes-referred-to-as-love. Yes, everyone, apparently I was a loner in need of some serious bonding time.

It wasn't true, obviously…not to that extent at least. I don't think. I liked being alone. It was better that way. But when you're trapped between four walls all day your priorities sort of shift and being alone isn't such an amazing idea anymore. So no, thank you very much, I would like to have my playtime!

Convincing the Shrink was easy. All I had to do was_ not_ talk to her, which in all honesty wasn't exactly planned. I never liked talking to Shrinks, and shutting up usually gives them more answers than you'd think. Anyway, she seemed to be pretty wacko herself, if I may be so bold. If anyone can judge a crazy person for a crazy person, it's me. And yes, she was crazy. She was just rambling on and on about Fate this, and Fate that and time and memory and past and present and then more talk about Fate…..

Actually, she was quite smart and what she was saying was really smart too. I just didn't like listening to it.

In fact, if I'm to be honest, I didn't exactly do any convincing or acting or anything. It wasn't really needed. The acting didn't even seem to work on this women, just like Kuro-pi. Strange that she also happened to have red eyes just like him. A different red but still. Maybe it came with the eyes…. I say I didn't really need to convince her because my situation still wasn't the best: I still woke up screaming and drenched with my own sweat, I still began to convulse and seize whenever I went to sleep, and I still hated myself when it happened.

But it was getting better.

It got better when Kuro-sama would hold me at night. I was embarrassed, but it was the truth. When I told her that, just to get her off my case, she was convinced all on her own that Kuro-sama was indeed the solution. Now that I think about it she seemed oddly excited when she suggested that Kuro spend more time with me…

I'd gotten what I wanted, but I was scared... real scared.

At least until I got to hear Kuro-woof's howls of furry. That's when I went back to thinking about how much fun the coming days would be.

To say the least, Kuro-frown did not enjoy it when the Shrink told him that _he _was, in fact, the cure to all my problems. Those were her exact words. And Kuro-furious definitely didn't like it when his playtime with the other prisoners was cut short. And Kuro-furry-fury definitely and surely did not like it when they took away almost all of his free time…just so that he could spend it with me...!

Hehe, he's such a spoilsport, I bet he's not angry at all.

I hope he's not.

Anyway, the point is that the schedule changed.

Now, I woke up at around 5:30 and pounced on Kuro-sleepy with as much force as I could muster without breaking any more of my bones.

Then we'd play.

Then we'd eat together in the room. They brought our meals to us, you see.

Then we'd sit quietly for a while.

Before I teased him or pounced on him or poked him, he hates poking!

Then we'd play.

Then I'd sit and read and he'd do his afternoon exercises. Why he needed exercise when we were already running around so much is something I was always quick to ask, at which point he'd get angry…

And we'd play.

Then I'd sit and read then throw the book at him just to see what would happen.

Then we'd play.

And then we'd sleep…still alone. Kuro-meany hates cuddling! I tried once and we ended up having to extend playtime past bed time.

…

….Did I mention that playtime consisted mainly of me running around squealing and giggling while he chased me with a string of profanities and half-threats.

It was good times… mostly.

**...**

**...**

**Kurogane's POV:**

**...**

"You little….stop moving and let me hit you!"

"That would be silly of me, now, wouldn't it Kuro-pi?"

"Like you're not dumb enough!"

"Kuro-meany!" said the brainless blonde in full high-pitch, accompanied by trademark fake bawling.

I took a half-assed swipe at him, and he evaded it so easily it almost hurt my pride. What the fuck?

I was nearly breathless, how did this guy keep it up? I was used to fighting and charging head on, so my fights don't usually last long. But this guy was the opposite. The complete effing opposite! With a thin frame and a fighting style based primarily on evading he had to have much higher endurance levels, which made him impervious to exhaustion while I was left feeling more like a wheezing geezer! True, we'd been at it for most of the day now, on and off, but still! How he managed to save up enough air in his lungs to laugh and giggle like that was, right now, the most annoying thing in the whole god-damned world. Dumb prick!

"When I get my hands on you—!"

"But that's not going to happen is it!" said the crazy idiot as he came leaping down from the top bunk.

"Hyuu hyuu, Kuro-sama's so scary!"

But he faltered with his footing. By the time he landed he was bracing his back against the bed post, his hand pressing against his broken rib. His bangs hid his expression from me, but I was sure he was in pain. And judging by the way his jaw was set: he was in a lot of it!

"There I've caught you, now stop moving. You're making it worse." I said, grabbing his shoulder and tilting his chin up with my other hand.

"Kuro-sama's scarier when he cares." He spoke with only the faintest hint of flirtation, but it was forced. Like the weight of what he was saying bothered him somehow. His eyes were round and that soft smile on his face made him look more sad than happy. It wasn't right, and I hated it!

"Shut Up! Just sit down for a second and let me have a look at you." I said, already pushing him towards the bed. After much whining that I didn't even care to listen to, he finally sat down.

I hesitated for a moment, suddenly flustered as I looked down at his shirt. He seemed to get what I was grappling with, and so he took of his own shirt: saving me the trouble and embarrassment. Sort off. I was still left staring at his chest. It was just so white!

You know he's not thin exactly, more toned. Smooth soft muscles—

"You really should stop staring, Kuro-naughty"

_Oh shit. _

"You're getting too thin!" I don't even know why I said that. Acting like a teenager: looking away from him instead of at him.

"You can look I don't mind." I feel his fingers at my chin and I'm forced to look at his calm eyes. His cheeks are red. I can't help but feel a little smug.

I'm professional as I examine him, I have to be. He winces at every other touch, but it's an involuntary reflex. He fights hard not to show it.

"Why didn't you tell me it still hurt this much?" I don't know what my face must have looked like, but something in it must have made the blonde look that…sad.

"I don't like it when you worry, Kuro-sama." He said poking my lips upwards into a forced smile. "It takes away your good-looks."

"It's not funny! What did the Doc say?"

"Kuro-sama, you can't do anything for ribs. Unless you want me even loopier and high on pain meds then—" he left the sentence hanging and I found it oddly funny that he was acknowledging his own insanity.

"No, I don't want that. But how about no more running around."

"But Kuro-rin, you're the one chasing me!"

"And you're the one annoying me!"

"I'm not that annoying, I bet you enjoy it." The flirtation was back on.

Before I could come up an angry retort, he predictably changed the topic.

"By the way, Kuro-sama, how come they're letting us room together? I thought we were in a maximum security joint?" The flirtation was now at full blast, but it didn't bother me as much as it used or as much as it should have.

I was too busy thinking about how much it bugged me that he thought it was max security, since that meant he was a high security prisoner. _I guess the warden wasn't joking: this guy's a real murderer. _I shook my head, I couldn't think of him like that.

_Murderer…?_

Like I was one to talk….but that was different, right? Maybe this guy's different too. Or maybe not.

"This is medium security. So you got anything from small fry to mass murderers." He flinched at the word. I sighed.

"And they're letting you room with me 'cause you've been categorized as a danger to yourself and others. They can't afford dead prisoners."

He laughed a bitter laugh that came out in labored huffs. "Shouldn't they be aiming for that?" he asked. "Shouldn't they want us dead?"

_You'd like that wouldn't you? _

"There was some trouble about 2 months before you showed up. One of the gangs tried to kidnap the Super. Didn't work out, but he still has that scar on his face. There were 5 deaths in total. A dozen injured. Press had a field day: Warden Loses Control of His Own Prison… all that jazz. It wasn't that big a deal, but it was the last straw for this place. It's just too violent."

"Were you in the military Kuro-tough?" and there he goes asking a completely random question right out of the blue.

"WHA—? What does that have to do with anything?

"It's just the way you talk, like you're making a report or something." He said it so simply, adding one of those monster-fake-smiles he loves so much.

"Yeah, I was in cop-training….Before this."

I didn't say anything else, and he seemed to figure out that I wasn't going to. I'd be damned if I spilled out my life story when he wouldn't so much as give me a drop in return. Damn the man.

He looked away and out the bars of our window. Getting up, he made his way over there with slow graceful strides. Curling his fingers around the black metal so that his nails scratched against the cold paint, he stood there in silence.

"So many secrets in this place, with bars to keep them in."

He said it softly enough that it might have been the wind throwing my own thoughts back at me.

_Secrets and lies…_

I just stare at him, thinking I can bore a hole in his head if I look at it long enough. Thinking, maybe things will click into place and all his thoughts will lay themselves before me. All his secrets. And it'll all make sense. But I don't figure it out… I can't. Or maybe I just don't want to. I'm not meant to…. Yet.

His hair looks cleaner than it ought to in here, and it looks white with the moonlight shining in on our little room. So fine, those strands. Their silver shine like the glint of a sword: powerful, mysterious and…. Beautiful.

The word pops into my head before I can stop myself. My heart lurches for a second as my mind races to censor itself. But it was true. That was the truth if nothing else was.

The way that his hand grips the bar annoys me for some reason. Maybe it's how strong that grip is, like he was trying to tear the bar away or else wedge it deeper into the concrete. The two actions meant wholly different things: escape or entrapment. I doubt even he knew which one he wanted.

I'm standing next to him before I realize it. The week had passed so quickly, had I really hugged this crazy idiot? _I must have been dreaming_…..but strangely, that wasn't a comforting thought either. Kinda. The warmth of his skin that I had felt against mine was a memory.

It was cold here now.

"What's up with that hand?" I ask, partially to see if he'd reveal something about himself and partly to stop myself from thinking too much about his presence.

As if shocked back into reality, he suddenly lets go of the metal bar and his eyes snap unto mine. The corner of his lips turns as he looks down at his hand. The hand that had remained frozen for weeks when he was in that strange state.

I was sure he wasn't going to reply to my question. As I reprimanded myself for being vain enough to expect answers out of this guy, a small voice emerged from behind wispy blonde hair. It had to be him, right? He's actually answering me. My heart couldn't help but lurch out to him.

"When I was…A long time ago, something happened. And to make it through, I found myself gripping onto…." He passed for a long time, and my hand wavered. Should I touch him? But he went on. "So whenever something happens that reminds me of that I… I find myself needing to hold on…to anything…."

He backed up so that his shoulder was leaning against the wall. His hand was braced in front of his face, like he was fighting the impulse to hide behind it. In my mind's eye I could see him sliding down that wall and crumbling. I don't know why I supposed he would do that, I don't know why he didn't.

"Even if it's just a figment of my imagination." He added softly and laughed.

I realized then why that grip had annoyed me in the first place. It was the desperation with which he did it. In my mind I saw an image of myself, holding onto the stiff corpse of my mother, refusing to let it go.

I shuddered as the coldness that seemed to have been enveloping him permeated into me as well. From there, it wasn't hard to imagine this guy in a similar situation, gripping onto some other ghost from his own past.

"Well, holding onto a metal bar sure as hell ain't gonna do you any good." I said speaking from experience. "You need to find something else to hold onto."

I had meant that he should let go of the past and hold onto the future, but he took it the wrong way. Or maybe the right way, I don't know anymore.

He looked up at me and his eyes shown bright in the moonlight: two glowing goading orbs of light. I could see their blue despite the darkness, and I remembered the roaring waves of the sea that I had not laid eyes on for what felt like a whole lifetime. Fierce and, I had to admit: beautiful.

"Yes, you're right." He said speaking softly into the night, as he went up on his tiptoes and laid his hand against my cheek.

"I need something else to hold onto."

He whispered into my ear and his breath tickled at my senses. His words that were soft and caressing came crashing down on me. As if he'd reached within me and played with my insides. Foreign emotions invaded me. My heart beat intensely and my cheeks burned with a red that I hoped was cloaked by the night. But my breathing was steady; years of training could at least accomplish that…right?

His other hand slid itself down my arm, slowly and with excruciating softness. It was a faint touch that left goose bumps in its wake. His fingers found mine and gripped them harshly. So harsh that I almost jumped, but his eyes held me.

And I understood just what my words had meant to him…to us.

Nudging his cold nose against my earlobe, I could almost hear his cat-purr. The hand that was one my cheek was now playing with the sensitive hair on my neck. How it managed to get there without me noticing was beyond me. He could feel the heat of my skin, I'm sure. His skin was hot too, and I wondered how I had been thinking of coldness not a moment ago. When did the mood flip? But I had no time to think about that. I had no time to think at all really, as he tilted his head and brought a pair of lips to the edge of my jaw. A kiss that could have been called a platonic-cheek-kiss if it handed been so tender, so….

_Oh, god!_

But the touch was gone before it even began. Just like that. He was gone, withdrawing so quickly it might all have been a dream. My eyes still staring at the black spot that had been occupied by his brilliant blues not a moment ago, my hand still suspended in mid air holding onto nothing. It might all have been a dream, but the way my skin tingled with the memory of his touch convinced me otherwise.

I laughed when I got to the bunks; he'd taken the top one. I'll let him keep it this once, I thought as I heard a soft laughter echoing mine. We were both laughing. This was a start at least, of what I hadn't the faintest idea. I didn't feel like thinking too much. Not about this. Not right now.

It was a warm night, and as I was slowly drifting off into sleep I thought of why I hadn't moved when he was…well, you know… and then a more shocking thought crept up on me and I wondered what I would have done had he stayed there...

...

...

.

**A/N: I hope you liked that everyone! And again I am so sorry. **

**Oh and I just had to add that rib section because right now my rib hurts like a fucking bitch! (Excuse my language, but damn! It hurts!) **

**Oh and I posted a One-shot called Fate's Flaws. You can check it out if you like, its kinda experimental but….**

**Anyway, please please please Review! Nice long reviews make my day, but I'm not a picky person so write as much as you want. Even if it's just a word, I guarantee I'll love it. Seriously. And I wonder if everyone who was reading this in the beginning is still doing it. Gosh it's been so long! I totally don't blame you if you've ditched, but I'd still like to know who's still reading this… **

**And last but not least: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! EVERYONE! REALLY! **

**Take care of yourselves and have a nice day :D! **


	11. Chapter 11: A Slow Wave

_**A/N: **_

_**-I have no comments and no excuses for the time delay. But I am sorry, really!**_

_**-On another note, I was working with a wonderful beta **_**Andreaphobia**_** from livejournal over the summer, and I have to thank her even though she couldn't beta this particular chapter.**_

_**- I really don't know what to say about this one…lots of plot and character stuffs and it covers a span of TWO months….time, right? Crazy how it just slips through our fingers.**_

_**-Anyway, enjoy :D**_

_**o**_

_**ooo**_

**oo**

**Chapter 11: A Slow Wave**

**ooo**

**o**

**Fai:**

It was a nice routine, the one we'd set up. I liked it more than I should have at the time, but I didn't figure that out till it was too late. The truth was, though I didn't like to admit it… the truth was: I liked him. I liked his company, his attitude, his...oh wow, this is embarrassing, but yeah, I like his looks.

You know how when you first like someone, it's slow to creep up on you. Like you don't even know it's happening until that feeling's all settled in your chest. You can't maintain eye-contact without bursting into laughter or well…giggles. You look over your shoulder catch his eye and you just have to look away. You feel calm because he's right there and you don't have to think too much about it. You can't think about it. And then he goes out for an hour or two to spend some time doing whatever it is he does, and suddenly you're out of your mind, restless as hell. You think: when did your life revolve around this?

My life revolved around him. _Him_. And I didn't know what to do anymore, 'cause this had never happened before. Ashura had been a happy presence in my life, like a soft fire I could warm up against from time to time…but it wasn't inside me. It never saturated my skin the way this man seemed to do. As for the kids, they were my life's passion, my own personal obsession. I worked there every day for years, and even that wasn't enough. I wanted to help them, I always did…and I cared for them. But not like this. That was a rational attachment, something I could wrap my head around.

This… I don't know what this was but it sure as hell wasn't 'rational'. There was nothing rational about it, made no sense.

I wanted to be something to him. I didn't know what I wanted until I got my first erection. Damn, that was a surprise! Now, I don't like to talk about this exactly, not because it's embarrassing (though it is) but because I never understood it. I never understood what was so grand about sex. Everyone always talking about it, and apparently a grown man's supposed to be thinking about it all the time…well, I didn't. My life was my work, and being surrounded by kids 24/7 doesn't exactly do much for your sex life, know what I mean? I didn't go out for a night on the town, I didn't go to the local bar, I didn't write my number on restaurant napkins (not since college at least)… recently I hadn't been doing any of that. So I wasn't exactly putting myself out there, and frankly I didn't want to. But my looks were always attracting people, on the subway, in the coffee shop…my colleagues.

I've always preferred group outings to one-on-one dates, I didn't know how to relate to people on an individual level. I didn't like having to concentrate on just one person, it was tedious and unnecessary. I scoffed at people's advances, laughing it off and walking away and sometimes having to resort to slaps or in extreme situations, punches and an all out fight. You wouldn't believe how angry some men can get when another man slaps them in the face. And when they're drunk in the back of an alley pumped full of adrenaline and alcohol, their ability to restrain themselves is severely dulled.

And what am I doing in the middle of a back-alley at night, you ask…?

Well, I don't really know myself. It was partly because of the grime-covered walls and the ever-present stench rising from the sewers that reminded me of the neighborhood where I grew up. Weird, I know…. But what I enjoyed most was the way you could just stand there for hours listening to people inside their houses and they'd never even know it. No one knows you're there and it's peaceful that way.

Now, just to clear things up, I'm not a virgin. I went through the crazy party-loving-sex-crazed phase just like any other teenager. But I was never really a teenager, and that was always just a phase. I think what I hated most about being out and about all the time, was the attention. Everyone loved me! I was the sexiest piece of ass on the dance floor, and everyone knew it. I hated it. I've always hated the attention my looks got, 'cause really that's where all this started. With a pair of blue eyes and a blond head of hair.

I guess that's why I couldn't change them, though…it was our look, right? Our curse…

Anyway, point being, it had…been a while.

And I had no idea what to do about it.

Suddenly all I could think about was what he thought of me, and I knew it wasn't good. He would never like someone like me, not in a million years. And I could never change.

I didn't want to change…I couldn't afford to change, it simply wasn't an option anymore, and it never was. There are things about me that I can never change, things that won't go away no matter how hard I wish them to, and I don't wish it often anyway.

In the end, I didn't have any other option.

I guess that's what made me do it, trick him like that… 'cause no matter how I tried to ignore it, it didn't work. I wanted him, in any way that he'd allow. And since I could never truly have him then I just had to appeal to his hormones…right?

I really do keep underestimating him, don't I?

**o**

**ooo**

**o**

**Kurogane:**

**o**

I don't know when it happened.

Probably all that god-damned chasing we did all the time, the crazy idiot! Running around all over the place, tripping and spraining his ankle…like he needed any more injuries! The guy's so agile when he runs around and swivels right out of my grasp, bending in ways that really shouldn't be possible, you'd think he had no bones!

Until you hear one crack right in front of you and your heart can't stop beating. "It's just a sprain," he said, but I was still worried shitless. I couldn't stop thinking about it, how he kept getting hurt on my watch, how I couldn't make the pain go away.

I couldn't make it go away…!

He looks at me with this confused expression, like I've grown another head or something… and that's when it hits me. Just how out of character this all is, how crazy I am for being so worried about one guy. A guy I've barely known a month. Has it really only been that long?

When did this happen? How could I have become so attached and not know it? And it wasn't just attachment; I was completely used to this guy. Used to the way he'd always wake me up early, always steal my food, jump up and down like a kid on a sugar-rush… I even got him sweets that one time. Why the hell would I get a guy sweets?

But he'd sounded so sad when he was talking about chocolates, that it almost made _my_ mouth water, and that's quite an achievement 'cause I can't stand the stuff! And it wasn't easy you know, getting a hold of chocolate in this joint. Not good chocolate anyway, I wasn't gonna bring back the blonde a silly little Sneakers bar! At least make it worthwhile, right?

Right! So it took me 3 days of bribing people and punching them in the face to get a hold of that fancy Swiss chocolate. I remember giving it to him, and seeing that surprised look on his face. I honestly didn't think it was such a big deal, it was just chocolate. It was just something I felt like doing, and had the time, so whatever…

But he was so… happy. It was nice to see him smile like that, comforting. I don't think I've ever seen him smile like that, so child-like and innocent. He leapt right at me and, thinking back on it: that hug was way too long. And, it took me way too long to notice that. It just felt so normal, smelling the flowery scent of his hair and feeling his soft lips and nose as he nuzzled into my neck. It was so normal.

When did it become so normal to have him around like this? His scent, his touch, his voice. I could feel it when he got bored of the silences; I could tell when he wanted something from me, or when he was curious about one thing or another. His emotions were easier to figure out now, and I think they'd stopped fluctuating so much. He was still a whiney drama queen, of course, but it was more toned down, not in pitch, that was still as high as hell, but it wasn't…wrong. It wasn't fake. He'd whine 'cause he actually wanted to whine, annoy me 'cause he actually wanted to, and drive me insane because that seemed to be his new mission in life now.

I'd become too used to this.

So when he'd sighed and said "I'm so bored." I was prepared for whatever crazy scheme he'd dish out. It was his new catch phrase lately, he'd declare it and then follow up with anything as docile as "Let's play cards!" or something as absurd as "Let's run away together and have kids!" The latter of the two, earned him a nice hit on the head.

But just then he'd said, "I'm bored. Let's play Dress-up!"

Regardless of the fact that we didn't have any clothes in here beside the bright orange crap we were already in, that was the craziest thing he'd ever suggested because…

"Idiot! Do I look like a five year old girl to you?"

At which point the crazy blonde's eyes flashed dangerously and he just flipped... not in a bad way.

Before I knew it, his hand was slowly, very slowly, tugging at the edge of his undershirt, while the index finger of his other hand hooked itself onto his lower lip. His eyes had a weird haze about them, and my mind went completely blank. He sucked at that finger and swayed his hips, taking small steps towards me.

He was right in front of where I sat at the edge of the bed when he leaned down until his eyes were right above mine. "Dress up isn't only for little girls, you know," he said, dragging his finger across his lip and making his nail scratch against it. I felt the wetness at the corner of my mouth and realized his finger was there now…

Was it just me, or was this guy getting sexi—flirtier, lately?

And so I did the first thing that popped into my head: I reached for the nearest object within my reach and wacked the side of his face with it.

It was just a stupid pillow.

After it hit him I couldn't see his face. I felt my stomach tighten, for some reason I was afraid of his reaction. What in the world was going on with me?

But then I saw a smile tugging at the edge of his lips and I relaxed automatically. Which was probably a bad move, I realized, after that same pillow came round and hit me in the face.

So we returned to the oddly-familiar chasing pattern. All was good, until he sprained his ankle and I started to freak out. Really, we did this way too often.

And I wasn't sure it was enough anymore.

I wasn't sure I knew what that meant either.

**o**

**ooo**

**o**

**Fai: **

**o**

It was one of those days when he wasn't in the cell of half the day. I asked him about it a few weeks back and he said he was in the courtyard training the boys, unofficially of course. It's not like I was stupid enough to be jealous (I wasn't, seriously), but I just didn't like him going off for such long stretches at a time. I mean really, did it take that long to teach a bunch of brats? Aren't they supposed to know this stuff already?

But it was admirable what he did, it was…cute! Helping out other people who needed him, being there for those less fortunate. Crazy super-hero-complex! It would have been nice to have him around back when I was in the streets… back when I learned from experience the best way to counter a punch, the easiest way to use my agility to my advantage, the precise way I was supposed to stretch and kick out…so long ago. I could almost picture it, two little kids running around in the streets of that torn-up country; him, standing there, with his little round hands stretched wide trying to protect me. Yeah, it would have been nice if he'd been there.

But he hadn't been there, and my life hadn't taken that path. I'm here now and all I have are these brief moments shared between four porcelain-white walls. All I have is the way our fingers brush against each other when we both reach for a discarded newspaper. All I have is the catalogue I've made of all of his angry looks, all nine variations, and the two smiles that I cherish, always. Our routine is all that I have.

I wonder when this will end…

"Hey, snap out of it! I don't like that pout on your face."

"KURO-CHAN You're Back!"

"Get off me you freakin' retard! Hey stop that! Stop digging that nose of yours into my shirt! Don't you dare start up that purring! Oh come on!"

He grabs the scruff of my neck and yanks me back and out of the curling nuzzling position I had assumed. I put both my hands in front of my face and curled the fingers so that the hands looked more like paws. And then I flashed him a cute puppy-dog look (or kitty-cat look, to be exact).

"You should know by now that that doesn't work on me."

"I know that it doesn't, but this always does." A quirky smile finds its way onto my face, I really can't help it.

"Oh N—"

And that's when I licked his cheek, quickly, only darting my tongue out at the last second. Just a playful gesture, but then I look into his eyes and I just can't resist. I can't resist the urge to appeal to that other side of him. The side I'm trying to conquer.

The smile disappears off of my face, and I blow at his wet cheek. I can feel him tense; the hand that had grabbed my neck so fiercely gradually slackened. I lick him again, this time much slower starting from the edge of his chin all the way to his eyebrow, and I linger there and kiss the hollow where his eyelids meet his brow bone. I can't believe he's letting me linger this long.

"St–stop that."

I don't ask why, because I know why. I just step back and smile sweetly at him; I can't stop myself from adding a soft "I missed you."

I relish in the way his cheeks turn red, and he looks at the ground to avoid my gaze.

A few more moments pass in silence, and we each throw ourselves into some random task or another. Things that don't really need doing, they're just peripheral events, tasks that give us the illusion that we're not the only thing here.

After a while, I don't know how long (I never did get used to telling the time in this place), I noticed that he was a bit flustered, angry about something. I knew it wasn't me, 'cause he's not the type to avoid a confrontation, so it must have been one of his students. He's not one to complain about his day either…but I knew that it would help him to do so.

"What's wrong?" he replies with a grumbled 'nothing', he really doesn't like worrying others, how sweet. I set the book that I was pretending to read aside, and stand up from my corner at the edge of the bars. When I sit next to him, it strikes me how much I hate that worried face he's making. I almost hate it more than when it's directed at me.

"It's just Syaoran, he's been acting weird lately." I was happy that's he'd actually replied to me, but I also knew that he wasn't a fan of talking or explaining things. It's not that I was particularly worried about Syaoran, I was just happy to talk with Kuro, that's all.

"Weird, how?"

"Just not normal."

"As in, what?" I ask again, and he heaves a sigh.

"Not showing up to practice, avoiding me altogether, and when he does show up he's all bruised and beaten." Again, he seemed to be talking to himself rather than me, but it was better than nothing.

I knew from the tone of his voice that he didn't really need advice, he's not used to talking aloud about things like this, things he'd probably consider silly. But I also knew how much he cared for that kid, and I admit: it had me worried too.

"Kuro, you can't be there for him forever. Don't worry; I know he can take care of himself."

"I'm not worried! I taught that kid more than enough, he's fine."

And with that Kuro solved his own little problem and his angry-look was now aimed at me. But something about the way his eyes squinted for a second, made me think that maybe this wasn't really about Syaoran in the first place.

My suspicions are answered when he averted his gaze and looked sternly out the window.

"You did good." He said hesitantly. As flattered as I was about the unexpected compliment, I had no idea what he was talking about.

"What are you talking about Kuro-chi?"

"The fight, back then. You did good." Oh, wow, that was quite some time ago, how long has it been? Two months…I've been living with him for nearly two months! I couldn't help but laugh. But this made sense: trust Kuro-pyon to always be thinking of fighting, huh? But there was more to it than that. Something about the way his eyes lit up, like he was really impressed…but also confused. He was— I sighed.

"You're wondering why I asked you to protect me if I can protect myself, right?"

He nodded, and for a brief moment I wondered vaguely if I was ready for this conversation. But I managed to convince myself that I didn't have anything better to do. So I looked away from him, at my lap, then I crossed my legs on the scratchy bed covers and just stared at them.

"It's simple really," I found myself saying. "For someone like me, it's really simple. I just don't like to fight."

There was another pause, broken only by distant shouts and noises, the muted conversations of inmates, the rusty sounds of dysfunctional fans and screeching generators. Everyone else going about doing whatever they went about doing in their own little cells, a whole life contained in one unit. Everyone with crimes like ours, more severe or less severe, more guilt or less guilt, but in the end we were all the same, right?

"It's not that you don't like to fight, it's that you don't like to fight for yourself."

I looked up to face him before I could stop myself. I'm sure he saw the shock in my eyes before I made them blank again, which only made me more…uncertain.

"And you don't like to fight for yourself, because you don't want to live. Because every time you do, there's a part of you that hopes you fail." He didn't even ask me if his deductions were correct, he knew that he didn't have to. 'Cause he was right.

_He was right._ Hearing those words I closed my eyes in shame or fear, I didn't know. When did we come to know so much about each other?

I didn't like where this is going and there was an unsteady feeling coiling in my chest, gurgling in my stomach, making me nauseous. But then in that moment, I felt his fingers at the edge of my chin. It was pleasant feeling and it relaxed me; slowly I open my eyelids to find myself staring at his face. Inches from mine, he looks determined and more than serious.

"You need to get used to fighting for yourself, so stop running away."

I really wanted to.

Maybe.

ooo

o

_**A/N: **_

_**-This chapter was supposed to go on from here…but it was getting kinda long, so I stopped it at what I deemed a good moment. That being said it won't take that long for me to post up the next bit. On one condition: I NEED REVIEWS!**_

_**-I haven't written for this story in a while now, so I don't know if you guys are still interested and I need to know what you think. If I don't, it just won't happen. I really do need those reviews to keep me on track with this thing, so thanks for everyone who clicked on the speech-bubble-button…please do so again. Take care **__**J**_


	12. Chapter 12: Fighting Spirit

**Hey! It only took me a month to update this time! Been a while since I was this stable. And I don't know if you've noticed, but it's been almost a YEAR since this insanity started! Anyone been here from the start (like the very start)? I'll try to get one up before the anniversary. I promise! **

**And now, we have another fight (never thought I'd write so much of that) please tell me if it was boring!) Also, a surprise at the end ;)**

**Enjoy!**

**o**

**ooo**

**Chapter 12: Fighting Spirit**

**oo**

**Kurogane:**

**oo**

The fact that he'd agreed to do this meant something. I didn't know what it was yet, didn't really want to know (not then at least)…but it was there. I told him to stop running, flat out and said it just like I always do. But he didn't act the way he always did. The normal Fai reaction would have been a fat half-assed smile and a chirpy denial. But he didn't do that this time. Why?

I tried to wrap my head around this sudden change in him, but I couldn't. In fact, now that I was thinking about it…it hadn't been sudden at all. I tried to remember the last time he'd put on a face and teased me with it. I tried to remember the last time he'd flat-out lied. Surely, he must have lied at some point…but it wasn't coming to me. I couldn't think of anything. Not a single fake gesture.

The larger part of me was excited by my sudden realization. But there was a part of me that wondered whether this was all just another game of his. If he was just getting better at what he did, or I was so used to it by now I couldn't tell the difference. Maybe I was seeing what I wanted to see. But since when did I want that? Since when did I give a shit what his face looked like in the morning or what he was thinking or feeling? When did I start–?

Did I?

But I meant what I'd said; he did need to learn how to fight. He had the skill he just needed the drive, the motivation. I can't say I understood the guy, I never understood suicidals, and maybe that was my problem. But I accepted it, was used to it by then, too many of the men became like that in this joint. It was easier to give up, I understood that, but I'd never liked easy things to begin with.

So there I was, fists clenched, knees bent, feet parted, ready to fight the guy. Yes…I was going to fight the guy. 'Sides I was the only one allowed to see him, and making him practice on his own was pointless. He already had the skill!

"Kuro-kyuu do we have to do this?"

I didn't vindicate his whining with a reply, just continued to stare at him. This was my element, and there was no joking about fighting in my book.

He didn't move, and I waited.

And waited… "Come on! Hit me!"

"No."

"Just do it!"

"Nope."

Tchh! I took a swipe at his head and as usual he ducked to avoid it, but I was already ready for that. I crouched low, focused my energy on my legs, then tripped him. That was round one out of the way.

He was looking up at me and his eyes were just getting wider and wider, guess he thought he was actually better at me after all those "play" cat and mouse games we indulged in. But, as I said this wasn't a game. I smirked down at him, unable to restrain my excitement. I was finally getting to fight this guy!

I don't know why, but the thought made my blood boil with anticipation, just thinking back on that figure crouching over the bleachers, confident and strong with the sun blazing overhead. I couldn't get the image out of my mind, I wanted to see that face again, be in the presence of that body. I wanted _that_ guy.

And as if he were answering my un-spoken curiosity, he smiled up at me. It was not one of his usual smiles, I had memorized those. It was just a small quirk of the lips, but it was his eyes that said it all. They say that the blue part of the fire is the hottest, and his combination of perfect poise and wicked strength was burning me to a quick.

I realized too late that that was the same smile he'd shown the Korean guy before—

BAM

His foot connected with my face, my nose stung dully and my eyes were having a hard time seeing again. I could smell the blood as it trailed out my nose. He took full advantage of this of course. He went for another kick, this time aimed at my side, where he knew that the ribs would hurt like hell. I let it hit, but moved away from the impact so that it didn't sting much. Before he had a chance to retract the foot, I caught it under my arm, grabbed onto his thigh and (careful not to exert too much force) I picked him of the ground and threw him.

He landed in a heap on the bottom bunk, the scratchy fabric undoubtedly cushioning his fall, as I'd known it would. Charging, I pushed him down, fully intending to punch him in the face. But I hesitated, that was my mistake.

He grabbed my wrist with more force than I thought was possible for him, and then he surprised me again by delivering a strong punch to my gut: with his left hand. He had no preference it seemed to using his right hand, guess I wasn't the only one that'd trained both. He was smarter than I thought. Before he could do anything else with that hand I grabbed it, and we paused for a second as we realized each of us had one captured hand and one doing the capturing.

Being the one with more body weight, I pulled him up off of the bunk and quickly let go of his arm to go for a quick punch. Surprise worked, and he grunted as my fist hit his side. But he paused only briefly, he couldn't have been that hurt. He retaliated right away, and that's how it went. Swipe, duck, take a few hits, get close and deliver one of your own. Swipe high, then low, avoid his face.

We must have developed an unofficial rule of: Don't hit the face. I don't think either of us would have been comfortable seeing the other with a black eye the next day. Though, his first kick was at my face, he did not reattempt the strike. Later, he admitted that it hadn't been his intention, and I believed him.

The basic punching and kicking combos went on for a bit, at which point one of the guards came by intending to 'break us up.' He was shouting orders when I yelled "I'm just teaching him! It's fine, don't get into this!" It's crazy how quickly he took my word for it, started to laugh, watched us for a few seconds and then left.

Foolishly, I let my eyes follow the guard's retreating figure and was rewarded with jab to the side of my neck. At that point, I went for a kick myself, knowing it would surprise him. He jumped back barely avoiding it. But he found himself backed up against the corner, not a wise place to be obviously. Before I could advance on him, he jumped again, this time surprising me by landing delicately on the seat-less edge of the toilet.

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me, it was just too comic, him balancing there with his arms extended and his eyes too preoccupied to care about the fight for a second. I laughed harder at the look of disgust that he was flashing at the toilet.

But that gaze quickly turned to me, and he seemed surprisingly infuriated by my laughter. He quickly jumped off, kicking, going for the chest. I was still too amused to retaliate properly, until he went for a low kick to my knee. This was no time for fun, that kick could have broken my leg… the little bastard!

I took another swipe at him, and while he was avoiding that I grabbed his neck. He seemed surprised by the harshness of the gesture, but then that same wicked smile tugged at his lips. He grabbed onto my wrist and before I knew, he'd pushed his body back to extend my arm, brought his other arm whirling over it, caught my arm beneath his armpit, and then twisted his entire body and—

I crashed onto the floor.

_What? _

I knew that maneuver, it was a fun self-defense move they taught women and kids in crash courses. As a kid I'd loved it, but now that I found myself on the receiving end I was shocked. The lanky blonde brought me down….

Ah, hell no!

It wasn't hard to trip him from my position down low, but pinning him down was much harder that I'd expected. Every time I'd get him in my grip, he'd twist and turn underneath me, find some weak spot I hadn't thought to protect and reverse the situation. We grappled like that for some time, rolling around on the floor, our joints being stretched painfully, our muscles contracting. At one point I'm pretty sure he had me stuck under the bunk bed. We both laughed then, but we didn't stop. They say the most experienced fights will usually end up on the ground, it takes a lot to know all your opponents weaknesses and how to maneuver you body to target them.

This went on for some time, and neither of us was getting the upper hand. It didn't bother me as much as I thought it would, I wasn't getting competitive over this, but I was still trying my hardest. It didn't work, and that slender freakaziod had me in his grip. But something wasn't right.

His body was beginning to slacken, the muscles relaxing, his arms no longer holding me down, only resting there. He had been pinning me down, now he just lay there on top of me, his soft hair at my neck, his forehead resting against the floor beneath us. My heart sank, for a split second I imagined he was back to being that empty shell, I imagined that whatever fighting spirit I'd seen in him that day was gone again. I panicked, instinctively seeking out his eyes. I tugged at his hair, threading my fingers through it until he straightened up too look at me. I don't know what I've done if those dead eyes had returned, it probably would have drove me mad.

But they didn't return, and he was there. All there, present and real. More real than he had ever been, in fact. His palms bracing his weight on either side of my head, his hair tumbling down and tickling at my face. His eyes, rounder than I had ever seen them, the blue blazing with a strength of will so powerful it doused my brain: I couldn't think. Where his will was going with this, I should have guessed.

We were both still breathing heavily and I could see the way his chest rose and feel rapidly above my own. The adrenaline was still coursing through my veins and it seemed to resurge throughout my body as though preparing for another round, but we just lay there and the energy built up. I couldn't think of anything past those blazing eyes.

And then it happened, he bent forward and kissed me.

It was just a soft pressure, a warmth at my lips, a softness. I could feel my heart beating, my blood pulsing against my chest, through my neck. My eyes stared wide and unblinking, unable to see anything this close-up. He tugged at my lower lip with his own, slow and hesitant. I did not respond. He stopped and drew back, a dull pop signifying the end of the kiss. I realized I had been holding my breath and still was.

Now I could see his eyes again, he was looking away and a sharp throb in my chest made me realize I hated that expression. He looked defeated.

Impulse and adrenaline won out, my hands snapping up to the sides of his face, forcing him back down. I crashed my lips against his, and felt a surge in my heart that was so strong it was worse than fire. The heat was everywhere. His lips molding against mine the heat and the wetness seeping in through every pore on my face, my lips. I felt the sleekness of his tongue at the edge of my teeth. I opened up, wanting to have more of him, consume him; consume more of _this_ man.

There was nothing but heat: the heat of our lips against one another, the heat of our bodies rubbing together. His nails burying in my scalp, my palms holding his neck, his chest. I grabbed him (for the fifth time that day at least), but this was softer than all the others. I rolled him onto the ground, pushing myself over him, finding myself unconsciously rubbing our groins together, grinding against him. His hips against my hips, my knee against his thigh, his leg wrapping around my back. Our lips still stuck together, tongues lapping and exploring and—

I heard a dog whistle in the distance, and a loud bout of cheering and jeers. My blood went cold. Everyone was watching!

_No, _was the predominant thought in my mind. What it was aimed at I had no idea. Whether it was the circumstances or the act, I don't know. But I straightened up nonetheless and walked away. I wasn't going to have a bunch of pervy criminals watch _this_ of all things. I heard him giggle softly, but I'm glad he didn't saying anything about "Kuro-shy" or some shit like that. He didn't say anything as he straightened out his shirt, either, only smiled that sly smile.

Then he looked over at me and said, "I should have known you'd like it rough."

**ooo**

**o**

**-So, comments? **

**I NEED to know if you guys find it awkward to read an 'intimate' scene in first person? Or else I can't start writing….so click that bubble again! **


	13. Chapter 13: Lights Out

**Again, though I'm sure you're all sick of hearing this…sorry for taking too long. But to make it up for you, this chapie's extra special. *drumroll* It's the longest I've ever written for this fic, and and and…IT'S MY FIRST LEMON! **

**So…warning: This chapter contains explicit sexual content between two males… and cursing. **

**Happy Valentine's Day and Enjoy!**

**oo**

**o**

**Chapter 13: Lights Out**

**oo**

**Kurogane:**

**o**

"I should have known you'd like it rough." I froze.

In that instant the first rational thought crossed my mind and I realized just what I'd been doing not ten seconds ago. I'd kissed him. I'd actually kissed a guy… a man. Well, he was a pretty-boy with the softest lips and hair that felt like silk—still, he was a man. A man that was my equal in strength, a man that looked even more beautiful when he fought back.

And he'd won. And I'd liked it.

Shit!

I couldn't deny it anymore, I couldn't make excuses, couldn't pretend that this was just a fling. Because it wasn't, and he wasn't just a task or just another roommate. But how had it happened? I hated this guy just a few months ago. Since when did I like killers and compulsive liars? And…I did like him. Him. Fai. The living breathing annoying idiot who squeaked like a little girl and hyuu-ed like a circus freak and who never once used my real name…. This place must be getting to me because yes, I liked him.

I hadn't admitted it to myself before then, but I couldn't deny it anymore. And I didn't care about what he'd done and how he'd tried to hide it, I'd never cared about his past, I didn't care about all those fake smiles anymore and how he'd hated to fight. That was just one side of the coin, and he was different, right? He wasn't the same person, those masks weren't there, he fought now, and he smiled those small smiles that made my blood boil.

But then came the overwhelming question: what was I supposed to do about this? With a piercing sort of pain, I remembered where we were. I remembered that we were in this retched place for a reason, that we each deserved to be here, that I still didn't know half his secrets, and that the absence of truth might as well be lies. And then of course there was the audience that wasn't about to disappear any time soon. Like a pack of wicked devils that would undoubtedly taint everything. As they have me. I hated this. I hated how much I wanted it, but it just wasn't gonna happen.

Not here. I can't.

**oo**

**Fai:**

**o**

"I should have known you'd like it rough."

The look on his face was priceless. His eyes grew comically into huge saucers and I think his eyebrow twitched. Of course I laughed, and I didn't think to exaggerate it or mask it. I just laughed.

I was so happy.

I don't know how to put it in words; it was like puffs of cotton candy were jumping around and multiplying in my head. The scene complete with a chorus of multi-colored birds and sparkly rainbows. It was la-la-land up there, which is what Kuro-chan's been thinking all this time. He was right.

Of course he was.

And he was brilliant. Always so considerate, looking out for me, caring even though he tried not to show it. He's even started to smile lately. Of course he's also been blushing a lot more, and now…we've kissed! I'm not gonna lie, I've been blushing too, I can't help myself. And I tried not to laugh when he avoided my gaze, but I can't help that either. He's just so shy! It took all of my self-restraint not to call him that. I think he could've actually killed me then; it would have dampened the mood a bit, ne?

But he hasn't been angry for a while, and the fact that he didn't get mad after we kissed… well, I just don't know what to think about that. Am I getting bad at this whole teasing thing, or does he not care anymore? I couldn't help not wanting to kiss him, we were on top of each other, for god's sake! I could smell that kuro-puppy smell. Sweet sweat and something like musk. And there I was lying on top of him, and I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to have him, I just had to! I kept thinking that he was going to bolt. I kept expecting him to stop, look at me and then look away in disgust, shout, scream.

But he didn't. He didn't stop kissing me, and it was brilliant. Wow, I feel like a little girl! I don't think I've been this happy since…

I don't think I've ever been this happy, actually.

He hasn't made any other move since, and I haven't either. I brushed passed him when I was climbing up to bed and I could almost see the electric shock that went through him. He just froze uncommonly still, rooted to the ground. Well, if me so much as walking in front of him gets him this hot n' bothered, then he's gonna be burning up pretty soon. I'm nowhere near done, and I don't ever want to be.

**oo**

**Kurogane:**

**o**

"Kurooo-pii!" came that all too (disturbingly) familiar voice from the top bunk. "I'm bored!"

"So?"

"Entertain me!"

"No."

"Please!"

"No, shut up!"

"Please please please please please!" If you've ever heard really sharp mails against a blackboard or, better yet, a huge slab of metal being dragged against asphalt, then maybe, just maybe, you can get an idea of what Fai's whining was doing to my nerves.

"Shut up! Jeez! Fine, what do you want?"

The blond, having climbed down from his bunk at some point during all that whining, put his finger to his mouth, taping lightly in mock contemplation. After a few moments, he unleashed the number one craziest idea he'd ever shared with me (thus far).

With an even tone and serious demeanor, he said, "Strip for me."

It's a testament to how shocking the demand was that I didn't immediately throttle the blond right then and there. Shock, of course, not being the only reason.

"I'm joking!" he exclaimed after having thoroughly succeeded in giving me what must have been a heart attack. I didn't comment…best not keep talking about this. The blond soon laughed one of his exaggerated laughs and was suddenly shoving a small wooden box under my nose… a mini-chess set. Something about the Shrink wanting him to keep his wits about him, like the guy needed to get any better at his games. I smiled, though…I knew his games.

We played for the best of 5, and the game dragged on well into the evening. It was almost lights out when we each returned to our bunks. Sprawled out on the cell-floor, his feet kicking lazily in the air, he'd won: 5-3.

He demanded a prize with that sexy tone of his.

I ignored him. I should have known that that would never work.

The lights went out.

"Kurooo—" came that annoying voice again. But the usual 'I'm-bored' didn't come this time, instead…

"Kurooo-taaan, I'm horny!"

Pause.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT FOR?"

I could hear his soft bird-like laughter fluttering from behind the layers of wood, metal and sheets above me. "Tehe, well, I was kinda thinking…you know—"

"No! I don't know. Just shut up and go to sleep!"

"Kuro-myuu's such a spoil sport, it's just a little fun," he said, poking his head over the edge of his bunk, that smile cackling like wildfire.

"Go. To. Sleep!" I turn to face the wall. _Just close your eyes and he'll go away!_

"Kuro-smexy, I'm so horny! Why don't you just come up here and—"

"What in God's name made you think… just shut up! If you're so fucking horny, DO IT YOURSELF."

Big mistake.

Note to self: Never challenge Fai to anything, because sure enough…he'll do it.

"Okay…" his voice wrapped around the word, drawing it out, his eyes glinting like the temptress in the stories. His head disappeared again and, for a while, it was quiet.

It's not like I hadn't been expecting him to do something… I just wasn't expecting him to be so forward about it. I expected manipulation and cow hints, subtle flirting like he'd always done. The one time he decided to be forward about what he wants…and it's this! He's probably just fucking with me, the fucker!

"Eh…hhh…mmm…." The slow sound of panting reached my ears, and I was suddenly frozen. _Is that what I think it is?_ His slow panting couldn't be mistaken for anything else. The air passing thickly through his lips, the teasing of the syllables, the heightened energy. I could hear the sounds of moving cloth, harsh yet slow. But the faint rustling was incomparable to the sounds emanating from that mouth.

Obviously this was turning me on.

I couldn't exactly tell him to stop. I'm not a freaking priest, you know, I ain't about to tell a man he can't jack off in his own room….but Jesus, those sounds. They had to be a sin. Nothing should sound this good.

"Mmm…Kkkeh… Kur–oh!"

Not my name… Fuck it, I was so hard. I couldn't help it! The whole place is the size of a peanut, for god sake, I couldn't escape that sound. A sound, I had to admit, I'd been dreaming of for quite some time. My name (the cutesy abbreviated version,. But still I'm not about to be picky in this type of situation). He was saying my name!

Calling out to me in that sex-crazed voice… it would have taken a much stronger man to resist that voice. It was by some strange odd miracle that I managed to stop myself from just jacking off to that sound, let everything else be damned—

I didn't move.

But any man has a breaking point. A part of my brain was still conscious of where we were, of who I was and what I'd done. True to how these things usually go, though, rationality soon jumps right out the window. On principle: there can be no reason at play here. With every mewl that escaped those lips, with every sound…my brain stopped working. Let's just say it was a bit preoccupied.

_I haven't had sex in over a dozen years, damn it!_

I couldn't stop myself from picturing it. Picturing him up there. That bright hair of his splaying around his face, his brilliant eyes half closed in passion. His face contorting beautifully, those parted lips: puffy and red, wrapping around the syllables of my name…. And his body, that body from the showers, I shuddered just thinking about it. That alabaster skin, the smooth plains and soft muscles. The muscles from the fight that gleamed in the sunlight. His hands, those small hands wet and grasping—

—It stops.

The ruffling of cloth replaced by the low creaking of wood. A thud of feet on cold stone. My eyes snap open. He's standing there with the light behind him and I can barely make out his face, the black outline of his figure sharp against the halo of white around him. It's so obvious that I'm turned on. He was at the foot of the bed and consequently had a perfect view of, well, you know…my current condition…down there.

But the teasing remarks I'd been expecting, the lewd comments, the flirting, there was none of that.

"Kurogane," he began, and I swear I have never been so shocked to hear my own name. It makes the hairs on my neck bristle, and my heart pumps loudly, even my erection twitched. I should have known he was using the same tactics again, it was that same look of defeat that had made me kiss him in the first place.

"Kurogane. Please."

**oo**

**Fai:**

**o**

I wanted him. I wanted him so bad. This wasn't just a game; I knew he wouldn't respond to just play. So I told the truth. For the first time I stood before him with my face mask-less, my emotions clear, and my desires more than apparent.

If I'd known the reaction I was going to get, maybe I would've done it sooner. It was quite a reaction, you see. There I was, feeling as hopeless as ever, too out of it to hear him move. All of a sudden I felt his fingers practically jab right into my chest as he grabs hold of my shirt. He yanks me forward, and I falter in the dark. But he's there. His other arm at my shoulder, his chest against mine.

"Idiot."

This kiss is rough, to say the least. His lips crash against mine, not just lips but teeth as well and I can feel the power of his jaw, the heat of his face. His lips moving against mine with a devouring ferocity, tongue scraping against my lips.

I don't even notice when my lips begin to move with his, I just feel that burning heat and wetness, feel his cheeks burn beneath my palms, his fingers in my hair, against my neck. His nails against my scalp, he pushes me against him, guiding my body. I fall onto the bed, straddling him, and the physical proximity sends shivers up my spine. Sure we'd wrestled around on the floor but this was a bed, and it made all the difference. The anticipation, the tension, every nerve on fire, searing heat, our erections roaring, groin against groin, chest against chest, lost in a tangle of limbs. His hands in my hair, against my hips, grabbing my ass and squeezing. I thrust against him, and he groans. His chest vibrates with the sound, and I love it.

He tugs at the edge of my sweater and it's quickly off and thrown over my shoulder. He's staring at my chest and I love that look on his face. He wants me. His hand against my neck moves down along my chest; his lips mimic the move leaving quick kisses along my neck and jaw. He licks at my nipple, sucks hard, and blows. Then he bites.

I can't help my smile, "I knew you liked it rough."

He chuckles, deep and true, and I get a feeling I'm about to witness just how rough he can be. He kisses me again, and it's just as forceful as before, I'm betting it's his way of saying 'shut up.' I don't mind. I'm on my back before I know it, and he's already tugging off my pants. I giggle, but then he grabs my erection through the cloth of my undies, which are yanked off shortly after. Another effective way to shut me up. He's kissing me too, and grinding and the heat blots out everything. But I need more of him, more to feel and touch. He loses his own clothes quickly and efficiently, so Kurogane.

He's everywhere. Kissing my neck, behind my ear, along my chest, and I lie there and marvel at his body. Beautifully sculpted muscles, stretching and contracting beneath tan skin that burns against mine in its intensity. I love the feel of his chest beneath my palms, digging my nails into his shoulders, against his back, his ass. He lifts my leg up, but–

"Kuro-sama, wait. It's too dry." I can feel him hesitate.

He's never been with a man.

I move to prepare things myself, but he pushes me down again. He bends over, his lips hovering just above my manhood.

"Kuro-sama…? You don't have to!" I can't bear the thought of him rejecting me now, turning away in disgust at this act. He didn't have to, I can deal with the messy parts, just don't turn away.

But he didn't turn away. Of course he didn't. He just looked up at me and said, "I know."

His lips descended.

**oo**

**Kurogane:**

**o**

Guess there's no turning back after you suck a guy off and shove your fingers up his ass, huh?

Not that I really wanted to turn back. I wanted this guy and there was no way I could deny it, and I wouldn't. I'm not about to freak out over an ass, for god sake. But there I was, my hand braced against his lower thigh, hovering above the smooth silky skin of his butt, and I hesitated. Call it stage fright, whatever; I hadn't done anything like this in ages and never with a guy. I knew what to do; of course, I live in a fucking prison. I'm not deaf!

But, I didn't know what to do. Past the whole dick in ass thing…

I almost jump when I hear his voice; I'm too focused on that ass. "Kuro-sama, wait, It's too dry." His voice is low and thick with lust, lust I can match, lust I want to satisfy. Lust I need to satisfy. _Dry dry dry…?_ A solution presents itself readily and I sink down, pausing above his erection. Damn, it's so hot!

"Kuro-sama…? You don't have to!" I could hear the panic in his voice, the fear, and I hated it.

"I know."

Yes, I didn't have to… I wanted to. I needed to have this man, and whatever else in between is a welcome bonus. The way he mewls when I kiss the tip, squirming in anxious delight when I lick along the shaft, slowly, agonizingly slow and he spreads his legs apart urging me. I don't need a second invitation. I take the top in my mouth and suck, it feels strange, to say the least, but as his nails dig into my scalp, I know I'm enjoying this too. I'm glad for the darkness, though; I don't need any comments about my blushing. And God damn it, the guy tastes sweet! And I wonder if he really is made out of cotton candy. His breathing hitches unevenly, his hips shaking, trying not to thrust as I take more of him in, licking the underside and sucking. I brace my palms against the smooth bones of his hips, massaging, drawing lazy patterns against the heated skin. He shudders beneath me, and I can't help but feel a little smug.

I stop bobbing up and down and withdraw slowly, my teeth briefly scraping against the hot flesh. He almost cries out. I let my hand take over for a little while, so that I can look up at him, see his head thrown back in ecstasy, biting his lower lip to stop his cries, his chest heaving, nipples perked in the dim artificial light. I move to capture one of them, my knee between his thighs, my cock throbbing against his hip. I suck and bite and trail kisses along his collar bone. I continue to pump his shaft, faster, faster, and he gasps against my ear, "Kurogane!"

The name sends shivers down my spine and for one blind moment I don't care about the thousand nicknames, if I can hear my name said like that, it's worth it. I feel his soft hand against my stomach and his long fingers soon wrap around my own erection, his touch so light and warm and infinitely soft, it drives me mad. I'm faster than he is, I pump him harshly and his whole body shakes, wriggling and squirming. His arms wrapped around my neck he whispers breathless urges in my ear, "Kurogane, Kurogane, Kurogane."

My forehead against his, I breathe against his lips, "Fai."

He comes. His eyes wide and unfocused, he holds onto me and I feel more than satisfied. Not at having satisfied my own urges, but his. Fai's body goes limp in the aftermath, and I love the smile that plays lazily at his lips. His hand caresses my neck and brings down my chin to his. He kisses me softly, sweetly. Slow and pure, his lips tugging at mine in silent thanks.

As thin and lanky as he is, I should know by now not to underestimate his strength. But it still surprises me how he wriggles out from under me and flips us over. He's straddling me again, his cock against mine, and it's aching so bad it's almost painful. I grab his ass, nails digging into flesh, and I really can't hold out for much longer. He knows.

He thrusts lazily against me, his hand playing with my balls. Another hand finds its way to his own lips. I'm entranced by the look of him, smirking as he licks at his digits, sucking on them, lips making obscene sounds in a more than suggestive manner, leaving thick trails of saliva in their wake. His hand descends and I'm dumbstruck by the look of those fingers, coated in his own saliva and cum. He penetrates himself, eyes closing, lips fluttering.

I can come just looking at him.

First one finger, then another, and he rotates them, pushes them in and out, scissoring. All the while he makes the most beautiful sounds, voice soft and sensual as he gasps and whispers. My fingers trail along his ass and rest on his own, inches away from the hole. "Let me," I ask, and he does. I copy his earlier movements, thrusting my own fingers within him. I could never picture something so tight and hot. His muscles clenching around me, invitingly, as he shudders. I push deeper, feeling him, wanting to know more of him, feel his inner skin with my fingertips. He gasps suddenly, his head thrown back, his erection throbbing back to life. I push against that spot again and he practically purrs.

His head jerks and he stares at me with a wild gaze, eyes blazing. He grabs both sides of my face and falls against me until his face is inches from my own. The blue of his eyes glints in the light, and his look makes my heart stop. A raging desire burns there, an incomparable strength, and a quiet desperation. "Kurogane, I need you."

I snap, crashing my lips against his, thrusting my tongue inside his mouth, flipping us over and pushing him harshly against the mattress. I thrust into him. Finally. My long forgotten cock, harder than ever, buried finally in the heat and softness that is Fai. I thrust deep and hard, finding that spot that made Fai shudder and gasp my name. "Ah, faster, faster!" and I do what he says, lost in the feel of him, his body beneath mine, nipples against my chest, thighs around my waist, my forehead pressed against his. _Faster, harder, faster._ I feel his hand between us as he takes hold of his own dick, fucking himself as I fuck him, and I try to concentrate on hitting that spot even as my muscles spas, tremors already seizing my body.

He comes again, his back arching, the warm wetness pooling against my stomach. There's nothing else in that instant, no past, no surrounding, nothing. His face, the most real I've ever seen it, and that beautiful little smile. A few more thrusts and I come for the first time, my seed releasing deep within him, within my Fai. When I collapse against him, he wraps his arms around me, his fingers stroking my hair. The motion, almost motherly, slowly lulls me to sleep.

**oo**

**o**

**This chapter has been crunching away at my brains cells since I first started writing this fic… a whole year ago! I must have written a dozen versions of it, and hated every one. Not to mention the fact that, to keep the story narrative coherent I had to write this in first person… awkward! But by the end of the story, I think I got the hang of it. Still please tell me what you guys think, 'cause if it is too awkward to read in first person I'll write up a 3****rd**** person version of it…. Anyway, now it's finally done, and it really is my first explicit sex-scene, so please please please please please review! **

**Also, it's been a year everyone! I'm so happy :D Thanks to everyone who's been reading this, especially 123lul, Abstract Orchestra, AllTheLosers, and...everyone else! and 123lul-thanks for reading my other stuff too :D (those are the ones that said they've been here, so sorry if I missed someone...I love you all! Srsly, when I'm down i just sit there and read old reviews ;D) **

**Thanks you, Take Care, and Happy Valentine's Day ;)**


	14. Chapter 14: A Moment Frozen

**A/N: Yes, It's been ages, nearly two years since I last updated. I have no idea if anyone who was reading this is still hanging around... I sure hope so. I really am sorry that it took so long. But I honestly have been busy. I graduated from college, started a day-job, and got into my own star-crossed lovers tale, which has undoubtedly found its way in here somehow. My tone has changed over the past couple of years and I have no idea how this will come across. I hope I still manage to stay true to the original story, even if it's now slightly different, in present tense to say the least. **

**I promised I would see this through and Now without further ado, Enjoy: **

**o**

**ooo**

**o**

**Chapter 14: A Moment ****Frozen**

**o**

**Fai:**

**o**

It had been years since I'd woken up next to a warm body. And this time, the scent is different, so unlike my own. Rich and strong, but not overpowering. The kind of scent that belongs in nature, that whispers into the air on rare occasions, like wet tree bark after a storm. The reassurance it holds is overwhelming.

I breathe in deeply, feeling my mind relax with the every whiff of him, the very feel of him, and the warmth of him. It's more than reassuring.

Sure, there's that annoying voice in the back of my head telling me that this can hardly last for long, that we're still in prison, that this doesn't absolve me of anything.

But damn it all if I'm not going to enjoy this one moment at least.

I can feel his bicep against my cheek, strong and powerful muscles reduced to a mere pillow for my benefit. I laugh a little, and his body responds to the sound. He hugs me closer to him, and the unconscious gesture makes the moment infinite.

It also crams my shoulder into his arm and twists my neck into an odd angle. Bothered, I open my eyes and get a very interesting close-up of Kuro's manly jawline, my nose inches away from his Adam's apple. I also realize what a tangled mess our legs have made, together and with the negligibly thin blanket. And given the way it's twisted between us, I'm pretty sure Kuro's bum bum is hanging out in the open for everyone to see.

Now that… that definitely deserves a loud chuckle, at least.

Of course, given that my face is practically buried in his neck, the burst of laughter makes him jump back. It occurs to me that my manly Kuro-muscles is probably ticklish. This of course, does little to help with my near hysteric laughter.

"What the hell did you do that for?!"

The mixture of sleep and confusion in his bright red eyes is almost too adorable. So I let my laughter cool down and bring my lips back to the crook of his neck, my hands resting softly against his shoulders. He begins to smile and I almost back out of my plan. Almost…

3…2…1…

"Attack of the Tickle Monster!"

His barks of laughter, sharp intakes of breath, and that undeniably uncharacteristic smile on his face are priceless. He squirms, jerks, and laughs. He resists of course, and soon enough I'm flat on my back. Hands braced above my head, I watch his sharp eyes bore into me and I can almost hear him growl.

"Good Morning Kuro-after-sexy-tickles-a-lot," I whisper with a smile. "Did you sleep well?"

He frowns down at me, some calculation unraveling behind those eyes of his. He's hesitant, which is too strange in itself. That little voice in my head manages a weak weary squeak.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Is something wrong? Did I do something wrong?" I stop myself, the rambling questions threatening to gush out till forever.

After a pause that lasts way too long, his frown fades back into his forehead and he smiles. "You…You're not pretending. You're actually happy?"

I can almost cry. The warmth in my chest too strong, the tightness too intense. I smile at him, and it feels like my face is breaking. Some residue of a mask cracks at the edges of my lips. I haven't smiled like this my whole life. A mixture of happiness, relief, and a small sliver of hope all mixed into one honest gesture.

Despite his hold on my wrists, I arch my back, raising my shoulders off the mattress. Smiling, I bring my lips to his. Softly, I whisper, "Thank you."

I kiss his lips, the top one, the bottom one, and each corner. _Thank you, thank you, thank you._ I plant kisses across his cheeks, the tip of his nose, and the space between his eyebrows. _Thank you. _He can feel me try to reach his forehead but the angle of my shoulders holds me back. He lets go of my wrists, slowly cradling my back. I snap my hands around his shoulders as soon as I can. Clinging to him desperately, I whisper my deepest thanks with a cracking voice.

"Hey, hey, stop that!" The harshness of his voice surprises me as he literally peels me off of him. I can't help but frown and look away. "Hey, look at me. I didn't do this for you, okay? This wasn't just some favor because you said 'please.' So don't go thanking me for something that I wanted to do. I didn't do this for you and I didn't do this for me either, okay?"

I quirk an eyebrow at him, not getting it at all.

"We both did this. For each other. For us. Get it?"

"Yeah, I think so…." With a mischievous smile, I add, "So I did it for me and you did it for you and I did it for you too and you did it for me, and it really doesn't matter because we both did it for us."

The look on his face sends me giggling. "I'm still grateful Kuro-sama. I'll never forget this moment, no matter what happens, we'll always have this."

"Well, I'm grateful too," he puffs out leaning his head against my shoulder. He hugs me closer suddenly, and my thanks can barely be put in words.

I place my hands on either side of his face and pull him up to look at me. He's slightly surprised but he looks right into my eyes nonetheless. "Kurogane…

"Kurogane, promise me… Promise me that no matter what happens, we'll always have this moment."

"I promise."

**oo**

**Kurogane:**

**o**

"Kurogane, promise me… Promise me that no matter what happens, we'll always have this moment."

I'm not one for sentimental gestures, but there's something about that guy saying my name that just— it's too odd, too fucking serious! I know I'm always wanting him to get serious, but this isn't serious really, it's downright depressing. Harbinger of impending doom, and I'll be damned if I'll let anything happen to this guy. No matter what happens.

"I promise," I reply, and it means a lot more than that and he has to understand this. I'm not about to go spilling my heart out for this guy the day after our first night together. So fuck the pessimism, I just had sex!

I start poking around at the guy, lifting his soft blond hair, looking behind his ears, under his chin, under his armpits, in his belly button, between his thighs, I even lift up his limp dick and check his balls.

"What are you doing?"

The look on his face reminds me of the way I feel every time this guy does something weird as hell. It's a nice moment, seeing my face reflected in his. So I lift up his legs and poke at his butt, "I'm looking for the reboot button."

I get away with a few more pokes at his tender ass before the guy starts laughing his head off.

I start to smile, but a small cough outside our cell door wipes it right off my face.

"As happy as we all are for you, Mr. Daitoji, we'd really appreciate it if you'd at least lower your voices."

Shit! "I– I didn't realize – forgot – meant no disrespect, I just forgot."

"We get it, there's a lot we'd all like to forget." I can't tell if he's serious or not. He'd better be! "Now, we're gonna pin this on crazy Jake down bellow, but… watch out next time, 'kay?"

I'm quiet for several minutes. It doesn't seem like a long time, but then again, it probably is. I'm just trying to process what the guards and warden are thinking… not to mention the others… Shit! This is bad, it really is. If they're somehow encouraged, then what is he going to do with them when I'm not he—

"I'm sorry," says the blond, snapping my attention back to him.

"What?"

"You've been here for a while, you've been through a lot to build your rep here…I shouldn't have…I'm sorry."

"What?" I repeat more firmly.

"I said I'm sorry!"

"And I told you not to thank me, now you're going to go and apologize?"

"Well, I'm the one who came on to you!" He's getting defensive, good.

"I didn't exactly push you away either."

He sighs a little, and then smiles. He smiles too widely, and I don't like that glint.

"Is this a bad time to mention that everyone had a really nice view of the Kuro-shiri a few minutes ago…?"

"Idiot, I'm going to kill you!"

But of course he never listens.

"With the lights out, even I didn't get a good look last night!" he whines and flails his hands out dramatically, that little bastard.

And so, it starts up again, the chasing and the teasing. With the added new thrill of trying to put on our clothes at the same time. He's not exactly trying, choosing to wrap his pants around his head, and climb up on the bottom bunk for a 5-second-long pole dance. Five seconds, because that's how long it took me to get my head on straight. Well, not 'straight' straight.

I can't exactly hide my smile though when he lets me catch him. He squirms around, laughing in a way that's completely new to me. Not just because it's him, but it's just too light, too innocent, like a kid's laughter.

I've been in this place for too long.

But apparently, not long enough….

"I got it!" he exclaims, grabbing my ass in a firm squeeze. I can almost punch him. But I let him keep his smile, and just this once I give a light kiss instead.

At least I'd wanted it to be light.

Damn the way that fucking ass of his had felt…!

I have him pushed against the wall before either of us can process anything. Fuck! I have to stop. But even as I think that all I'm doing is grinding against him like some animal in rut and he's just squirming against me, the perfect bitch in heat.

We're already conveniently-almost-completely naked. Soft skin and the arch of his back, I bite into his neck and I can smell my sweat in his hair. That after-sex scent —Fuck!

"We have to stop." I can barely hear myself, so it's no wonder he doesn't. He just licks my neck and bites my ear, crashing his lips into mine for a wet, tongue-filled kissed.

"St–stop. We have to stop." And I yank him off, his lips making an audible pop as they leave my skin. I look into his sex-crazed eyes, "We have to stop!" The words seem too complicated to register. "No," I say and get an interesting whine in response. "No," I repeat and I swear he sways his ass from side to side, waging some imaginary tail at me.

Not that there isn't a tail-like member of his that isn't already swaying up lightly against my stomach. I stare at his reddened dick and damn it I'm practically drooling like some horny school girl. Fuck the bastard! No, that doesn't bring up the right image. Fuck!

I cross to the bed and throw the blankets at him. "I can't look at you like that. Just. Stop moving."

"Kuro-wiiwii doesn't want me," whines the bastard from under the sheets.

"Yeah and my dick happens to come perfectly erect, you fuck!"

"While I would normally object to that language Kuro-tongue, I can't say I object to the sentiment… Fuckity fuck fuck!"

The bundle of blankets starts giggling, and I roll my eyes at that last… curse-attempt?

It takes a while to get the bastard into his clothes, bet kids aren't this much of a hassle. But his laughter… his laughter is what keeps me smiling.

**oo**

**Fai:**

**o**

Yes, I squirmed around and whined my ass off before I got into my clothes, but that wasn't a defeat to say the least. I have to say I wasn't exactly too sincere in my resistance to donning clothing. My butt hurt entirely too much for any more serious smexing. It wasn't that bad, but the ache was still there… it was nice though, feeling the slight sting of it every time I moved.

I lie on my stomach swinging my feet in the air above me, whistling one of the nursery rhymes that would have normally made me cringe. The tune itself had surprised me, floating unbidden into my mind… I'd blocked this one out ever since– I stop myself and direct my attentions at my sexy cellmate instead.

"Hey…?" A pleasant grunt responds from the bunk bellow. "Why is it that the guards treat you differently?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know, they cover up for you, help you, support your side-quests, bunk you up in here against the normal regulations…why?"

The bed creaks a little and I can hear him shift his weight around. "You already know the answer to that question."

"Silly Kuro-tan, why would I ask a question I already knew the answer to?"

I hadn't even noticed the high pitch that my voice had acquired until his voice barked back, "Stop it! You've asked around, you know the answer. No pretending. Ask what you really want to ask."

I sigh heavily, and I'm about to join him in his own bed, to look him in the eyes at least. But I don't. "I'm sorry," I say instead from the comfort of my own bunk, "old habits die hard. I did ask, I asked the day I first met you. But a cop's son that still ended up on the other side of these bars… shouldn't they be angrier at you?"

He doesn't answer me for a while. The annoying voice in the back of my head warns me about boundaries and relationships and the dangers of honesty… If he answers, would I be expected to do the same?

"I don't think I've heard you say so much in one go… not serious at least. That shit-teasing of yours can go on for ages. But this…" is too much? "This is nice."

He takes so long that I almost think that's his answer. But then the shuffling of the bed sheets and the creak of the bunk says otherwise.

He doesn't look at me as he walks away, over to the bars of our tiny square window.

"Yeah, my old man was a cop, sergeant actually. Best in the district. My mother was always sick though, she'd had cancer a few years before I was born. When I turned 12, the fucking disease hit again. Father started working overtime to cover the hospital bills. The precinct helped…but still, chemo's one of those treatments that just drains your budget, not to mention your health. It was a tough first year, but she was starting to get better. Watching her smile when he came home, it made all the difference really…" He stops for a moment, frowning before he turns his back to me altogether, gripping a window bar with one hand.

For someone who'd just remarked about my lack of speech, this was remarkable, I almost couldn't believe it. This wasn't the sort of thing the Kurogane I knew would ever talk about… but he was, and to me.

"On one of the overnight missions… my Father got shot. We got some miserable bit of compensation but it wasn't enough. Mother's condition got a lot worse. She kept trying though… I knew it was for me, and I almost didn't want her to."

Kurogane's hand clenches around the bar and I can see the muscles of his back tighten. Every time he'd mentioned his mother or father his voice grew softer, but now there's an unmistakable harshness, a cynicism the likes of which I've never heard from him. I want to reach out to him, say something reassuring, but I can't. I'm frozen in place by the coldness of his voice.

"That's when my father's old partner started showing up at our house, he'd offer help and money for the hospital. Said something about owing my Father. Well the fucker sure did owe him a lot. When mother's condition started getting a lot worse I decided to skip out on school. And this one day–Fuck!"

Slam! The dull thud of Kurogane's fist against the concrete puts everything else on mute. He breathes in deeply and continues. "So I come back from the grocery store and I hear these sounds coming from upstairs. I think I knew what they were I just couldn't really process it. I open my parents' room and there's that fat bastard on top of my mom. But she's not screaming, hell, she's not even blinking!"

"I swear I could have killed him right there. But he's such a nasty piece of fuck. Sprayed my eyes like a fucking pussy. By the time I can see again, I'm in my parents' room staring at my mother's dead face. Fucker had her hooked up on drugs, slipped them into her meds. So I call 911, get down to the precinct and not a single fucker believes me. They swear to me that Fei Wong Fucking Reed was right there all the time. Dirty cops the lot of them. The whole fucking precinct.

"I honestly can't remember what happened the next few days, weeks even. I was completely out of, kept screaming and punching things. Bastards had me taken to the hospital when I lunged at that bastard during my mom's funeral. After a month or so of therapy, the docs finally decide I'm fit to get my mom's will. She'd left me a sealed letter with a few pictures Fei Wong had been blackmailing her with. Pictures of my dad with some mafia guy. The fucker! But this time I plan it all out, keep myself in therapy, enroll in school again, I send him an apology letter, tell him I want to be just like him. You have to understand that I'd known this guy half my life, played on his knees for fuck's sake. And now I just know that he's fucking killed my family. Drugged and raped my sick mother and shot my father."

I know that voice, the deep ringing tones of it that reverberate in our cell. I know the hate, the anger, the sheer madness of a murderer. This is the real Kurogane.

"So yeah, I killed a cop," he goes on, his voice lower now, more consciously subdued. "Got thrown in Juvi and then in here. It took them 5 years to figure out that I was right. But by then I'd already gotten my sentence, and premeditated murder is still murder, and in the end I got a nice 20 years package."

After a few more moments hanging in silence, he finally looks back at me. I can't say exactly what I looked like, but I was very calm. Concerned for him, but calm. With a few squeaks of the bunk, and a little leap, I cross the distance to him. I look him in the eyes trying desperately to transfer my own sense of understanding. That I too know the look of dead family and the anger before murder. I don't talk about it, I want to but I don't. It's not the time to play my-woes-are-worse-than-yours.

So I hug him instead, press my warmth against his cold chest. He warps his stone arms around me and for a while that's enough.

Then that voice in the back of my head catches up on some calculations. I stiffen and ask slowly, "How old are you?"

The silence that follows is the worst answer. "Old enough," he says.

"How much longer do you have?"

"17 days."

**o**

**ooo**

**A/N: You know part of the reason I stopped writing this in the first place was because I knew it was going to get sad. I mean I'd finally gotten them to have sex and I just couldn't spoil it all so soon. But they've had their time and the story must go on. **

**Please Review, any comments are more than welcome, and I really would like to know your feedback before I continue... Thank you all for reading! **


	15. Chapter 15: Eye for an Eye

**A/N: I'm trying to post as often as I can. Sorry if it's a short and sad chapter, but you all had fair warning and this just had to happen. **

**So without further ado, Enjoy! **

**o**

**ooo**

**Chapter 15: Eye for an Eye **

**ooo**

**Kurogane **

**o**

"How much longer do you have?" he asks and I can feel his fingers clench, nails digging into my skin.

"17 days."

He pulls away almost immediately and I know what's going to happen. I can feel that smile crawling back onto his face. He doesn't look up at me though and the moment drags.

"But… you promised." His voice breaks and that smile of his slips. But I can't be happy about that. Not now. If I still had him in my arms, I'd know what to do, but with hands dangling like thick lead, I'm stuck. I can reach up and grab him, crush him to me and let it all be damned. But the distance between us makes me feel like shit.

That promise hanging there like a fucking ghost.

17 day. 17 days. And here I was just a few days ago, counting them down with a stupid happy-go-lucky kid-smile. Worse even, I'd been proud, almost arrogant about it. Finally, I was leaving this place… finally, I deserved to go. Guess I deserved a lot more hell for what happened…

"I did promise you. This doesn't change anything."

He looks up at me then. The bastard-smile of his ain't there, but neither is that other one. That little innocent smile that made his eyes sparkle. Now they're dead, deader than I've ever seen them, even that time when he'd gone into his stupor, even during that notorious fight. There's nothing there. Just an infinite blue.

"Hey," I try to snap him out of it, cupping his face in my hands, "I'm used to waiting. I'll do whatever it takes. This isn't as bad as it could be. We both know how bad that can be."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Kurogane. You can tell me all about how great it'll be for you to keep loose ends in this place, how excited you'll be to have your own prison pen pal. You can tell me you'll wait for me. But whatever you say, it won't change anything." He grips my hands and brings them down from his face. Staring into his eyes, I almost feel seasick. His voice low and muted, he says, "I'll be here and it's high time you started your own life. You go out there and live and be happy. Don't worry about me…I'm not worth it anyway."

"Hey! You can't keep thinking like that. Come on, we made a promise, remember? Everything will be okay."

"I can't believe you'd promise me something like that knowing you were getting out. Guess it will be okay for you though, without an airhead like me to worry about." His voice sinks lower and I can feel him physically slump. I grab his shoulders and give him a shake, trying to snap him back to me.

"Fai."

A faint flicker, something in his eyes stirs. That's all the answer I really need. I take him into my arms, forcing his lips against mine. For the longest time I'm just standing there like some dumb fuck, lips moving against stone.

I'm either a really good kisser, or this shit actually means something.

Considering how long I've been stuck in here with no one but sleazy pervs for company, I'm gonna go for the second choice on that one.

I don't give him a moment to second guess this, the moment his lips move an inch I go in for the mile. My tongue in his mouth, tasting him, feeling him, my arms tightening around him in a vise grip I'm sure would have cracked a lesser man.

He's mine.

With his taste in my mouth and his scent crashing into me, a thought pokes its ugly head from some dark corner in my brain. Something becomes strikingly clear to me.

I would kill for this man.

**ooo**

**Fai: **

**o**

The hours tick by with an unbearable weight behind every passing second. I cling onto his every word, his every gesture, and every look that flashes across his face.

Another night passes in desperate ecstasy, skipping along that thin border between sheer pain and overpowering pleasure. Every kiss of his lips brings a taste of farewell. He reaches for my hand, my waist, my cheeks, and I can feel his fingers dig slightly deeper each time, a sense of apology glazing those otherwise piercing eyes.

I wrap my arms around his shoulders, despite the discomfort that that position brings. I press as much of my skin as I can against his, chest on chest, legs around his back, face buried in the crook of his neck. I close my eyes, trying desperately to shut everything else out.

I never thought I'd find the future so much more horrible a prospect than even my past.

His hands grabbing my waist firmly beneath strong fingers that curl into my flesh, he thrusts into me. Every movement with a force that shakes me, shakes all of me. If only I could meld myself into him, attach myself permanently onto his skin like the leach that I am.

If only the severity of my crimes wasn't finally catching up to me, some weird twist of fate giving me my greatest moment of happiness in this place, only to leave me with its shadow. I can feel my body trembling with more than just the pleasure of having him inside me.

I don't notice the tears until his movements slow down. He pushes himself up long enough to look at my face. I can feel the words trapped in his mouth, wanting to reassure me, they hang thick in the air between us.

Suddenly, I feel him twitch inside me, I feel his breath hitch, and that's the only warning I get.

He kisses me roughly, biting my lips and sucking at my tongue. With one quick motion he hitches up my knees and plunges deep inside me. I bite back my moans, closing my eyes shut against the tears.

**ooo**

**Kurogane **

**o**

It was arranged for us to stay in the cell, keeping us out of the "public eye" for a while longer. Dumb shits! I would have loved the chance to beat some sense into someone. Or just plain beat them, no difference.

By noon of the second day, it starts to get unbearable. Claustrophobic even. I'm starting to get nervous, and I'm never fucking nervous. I just need to keep him with me. To hold him in my arms, to be around him, inside him, near him. I have to admit (and don't you ever repeat this) but even those nicknames and the teasing… it was just so typical.

That innocent smile flashed from time to time, it wasn't as bright with those sad eyes of his, but it was there. I'm helpless against it, because this time... This time it's my fault.

So when we finally get out for lunch on the third day, the tension's stretched to a breaking point. He's not blaming me, of course. No, the blond bastard would never do that. He's doing what he does best: blaming himself. Like it's his damn fault that I'm in this place.

I'm serving my sentence same as he is. We're both damn criminals! So we get an extra bout of torture 'cause of sheer dumb luck, so the fuck what? Doesn't change anything about what happened; it doesn't change who we are. And fuck how lame this sounds, but it doesn't change how we feel.

Fuck!

So I'm already all riled up when we get into the cafeteria. Everyone starts whispering and dog-whistling like we're in a fucking beauty pageant, the fuckers. We sit down on the same table as gramps and a bunch of other japs. The kid's with them, that's good. Things don't seem so bad for a sec. Sure, the old man has an annoying smile on his face and the kid's trying not to show his blush and failing miserably… but it's not half as bad as the others. I clench my fist, trying to keep still, and the damn bastard just sits there slumped over with his eyes to the floor.

Then Kyle sits down right in front of me, and I'm seriously considering just beating the shit out of him before he even opens that mouth of his. I look over at Fai though, and it takes a moment too long.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the honeymooners finally out and about. Welcome to the real world boys, we missed you!"

I stare at him, and I must look crazy as hell because he does flinch. But then again, he is Kyle and it's going to take a lot more than that.

"You know," he continues, "maybe if you'd been this nice to that Aaron guy, he wouldn't have offed himself, huh, Mr. Kuro-savior?"

I can't remember if I'd told Fai about the last guy they had me roomed with. Fai doesn't react though, and maybe that's what bugs me so much. Guy's not reacting to anything anymore.

"Kyle, I really will kill you." And I mean it. Idiot doesn't know when to stop though.

"Must have been real disgusting to find his blood all over the sheets… not as bad as finding that whore mothe—"

SLAM!

I hear the sound first and I realize that I haven't moved one bit. Fai's got the guy's head slammed firmly against the metal table. How this guy still manages to pull these things right past me is crazy. How he manages to hold down a squirming Kyle by the neck with only one hand is even crazier.

"Take that back," he says dangerously soft. It suites him.

Kyle struggles, but it's not exactly loud, and the guards don't even look our way. Maybe 'cause I'm here. Or maybe the blonde's just cool to watch when he gets like this. Kyle tries to reach back and fails miserably, "What are we, in grade-school?"

"I said, take that back!"

"Fine, damn-it Blondie, I take it back…"

I quirk an eyebrow up at the blond, noting that I probably shouldn't keep thinking of him like that, guy deserves a lot more. I'm genuinely thankful.

But before I say anything, not that I know what to say exactly, Gramps makes an upset sound. "Son, you'll be in here for a while, it's best if you don't act out like this."

If there was a hint of a smirk on the– Fai's face, it quickly slipped off, "Yeah, especially when I'll be here alone soon."

"You won't be. There're a lot of us in here who owe your man here a few favors. We've got your back"

"Speak for yourself." And the interruption is so unexpected I don't really register it at first. It's Kusanagi, he's been here for around 5 years now and I've never heard him this angry. I've barely heard him at all. "I ain't protectin' no child killer! I don't care whose cock he sucked."

There is no end for this moment.

None.

"What did he mean by child-killer Fai-san?"

I can't see Fai's face through his bangs, only Syaoran's wide gaze. This would mean a lot more to him if true.

It should mean a lot to me too.

_Child-killer…_

Was I stupid for assuming that he was like me, sentenced here for killing some small fry? Was it naïve to think that he'd been forced into it in some desperate circumstance? God knows the guy's a walking magnet for any weirdo with a dick.

"It was that case in the suburbs, north country." Kusanagi continues, "I remember hearing the name Fluorite. Checked it out a few days ago in the papers, and it's true. Bloody serial killer! 25 bodies, four of them just kids!"

_Child-killer, child-killer, child-killer…_

Why'd I just think it was another case of self-defense? I know that look in his eyes… I know it more than most. So why can't I even open my damn mouth? Why can't I say anything?

And when he needs me most, why can't I move?

"Kids! This little teenage girl, soft reddish hair, beautiful smile—"

It happens so quickly: a loud scream from Syaoran, the screech of metal as he lunges over the table, the dull thud of Fai's body against the concrete.

His blue eyes wide, accepting, almost smiling.

Then bright red and the sharp iron-scent of blood.

**ooo**

**A/N: I would really like to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter. It meant so much to me that many of you are still here even after all this time! I'm glad KuroFai's still going strong, maybe not as strong as it was before, but still... **

**In any case I would very much appreciate any and all reviews, especially if you have any constructive criticism or comments about the writing and all that technical stuff. I was planing on going for a Masters in Creative Writing, so this stuff means a lot to me, please review! **

**Thank you all, the next update wont take long... just keep up with the encouragement, you guys are great! **

**Have a nice day! **


	16. Chapter 16: Acceptance

**FINALLY, right?! **

**If you're reading this, thank you all for sticking around, it really means a lot to me. A special thanks to KutoFaiFanZ whose review jolted me back into writing: Thank you! SEE, reviewing helps, reviews are the fuel on which our creative minds run! So please review even if it's small. And I promise I will finish this, no mater what! **

**And now, Enjoy! **

**o**

**ooo**

**Chapter 16: Acceptance**

**ooo**

**Kurogane **

**o**

Through the red haze and the blood pounding in my brain, beat by beat by beat, louder and louder, it takes a while for the guards' shouts to reach me. I feel the sting of that fucking bat of theirs against my back; I feel their hands at my arms, trying to pull me off a thin-set frame.

A thought clicks itself into place.

That the one in my grip I was holding out of anger, shaking the kid's whole body, fists wrapped tightly around his neck, his face growing red beneath downcast eyes.

My hands let go like I've been burned.

This isn't the face I should be looking at.

I turn in horror to the man who should have had all my attention, the man who needed me most. The man who would always need me. The man I'd failed.

At first I can hardly see him. Inmates and guards are crowded around him like some kind of sick swarm of scavengers. I smell the blood before I see it. That thick iron smell that only makes the pounding in my brain worse, a constant reminder of impending danger.

But the danger's come and gone and I've failed him.

I push everyone aside, roughly but I don't care. Everything in the world can go fuck itself for all I care. Everything can burn and die and that red haze of violence can't seem to clear from my vision.

But it's not a red haze, not really, not anymore. It's just red.

But it's not just blood.

It's blood flowing thickly and a sick liquid oozing and congealing along torn open flesh. It's blue veins and a hint of white bone. It's a mess of tissue and vessels all crumpled together in a mass of ruin.

The remnant of his once bright and shining left eye is barely recognizable under all the blood.

I realize now…all too late… that the kid had a knife. That this is the reason behind his secrecy. That this has been going on long enough for the gangs to arm him. And more importantly, that I could have stopped this. I should have been paying more attention, I should have moved, I should have done something.

But I didn't because of those words. _Child-killer. _

Looking at him, I'll be damned if I give a shit. I'll be damned anyway. Child-killer my ass, I'll show that kid child-killer with my bare hands beating into his face. Fuck!

I can't be angry. Not now. Not in the face of this. I have to be strong.

Gramps is holding him up and I'm not sure if it's a good idea. I can see the others rushing, hear the distant alarms.

There's so much red and I feel 13 again.

"Fai," I start but I don't know what to say. I try not to look at his ruined eye and the gash that runs deep against his brow line. I look at his closed eye and watch his blood splattered lips open and close taking desperately shallow breaths.

Young, stupid, angry and… helpless.

"Fai," I touch his healthy cheek and hold his hand. "Fai, I'm right here. Stay with me. I'm right here, with you, always with you. I need you, Fai. Stay with me."

**ooo**

**Fai: **

**o**

I knew he looked familiar. Older now, taller, lankier, different, but really just the same. A mirror image of a forgotten nightmare. Brother and twin to a face that's long been dead. And don't I know that feeling?

Of course he'd attack. Of course he'd fight. He deserves all the retribution he can get. His twin is dead and possibly his friends too. The little girl with the bright smile torn right off her face, broken and butchered away into some freezer. Of course he'd attack the man responsible. Who wouldn't?

Not even my loyal guardian, my lover, my beautifully naïve lover, could ever stand for this.

I deserve this.

This is not a moment of self-depreciation. This is not a moment of weakness.

I've never felt stronger my entire life.

This is a moment for acceptance.

I have fought my battles, stood my ground. I did all that I could under the circumstances. It just wasn't good enough and now I have to pay the price.

If my life could be paid 25 times over I'd gladly exchange it for theirs. But I'm not expecting a miracle. I'm not that naïve anymore.

So if I can be a punching bag for an angry little kid who deserves vengeance, why not?

I'll accept that, no matter what.

**ooo**

**Kurogane **

**o**

"Where is he? I have to see him!" I've been shouting for ages but no one fucking listens. Everyone's in a frenzy over this. Even the inmates are shocked into a weird state of silence. All the days I wished they'd shut the fuck up and the one day they do is the day I would have gladly welcomed useless chatter.

All I can hear is the rush of guards, one at a time, randomly, in the hallways, in the courtyard. The kid's screwed up royally and I wish they'd just put this place out of its misery already.

I call out to one of the guard again, call him by his name, smile (which apparently freaks the shit out of him), I start name-dropping like there's no tomorrow. The Super, the Shrink, the District Attorney. I've never sounded this fucking retarded in my life. I've never had to talk my way into anything and I sure wish I could just beat it out of this guy. But fuck!

Now he's just quirking up his eyebrow at me like I've gone loony.

"I'll see what I can do."

And I wait.

The cell has never felt this small.

I try to sit down until I realize the only available space is the same bed we were huddled in this morning. It looks so small now, so fragile, but it was our world. Where he'd cried, where he'd laughed, where he'd slept… where we'd made love.

I can feel my eyes sting.

I can't think like this.

I'm so busy trying to look normal I almost don't hear it in time. The unmistakable clicks of…heels: _her _heels.

And sure enough, there she is, double Ds and all.

Any teasing or laughter is completely gone from her face and she just stands there looking at me with those round red eyes. Never considered before that red eyes were daunting in themselves even though I have my own. And yet there's a sense behind those eyes I'm sure I've never had. She always looked like she knew more about any given situation. And this situation made her look a whole lot worse.

After an agonizing silence I can't help but ask about him.

"He's not doing well."

I sit down.

Even if it's on our bed.

"He's bled out significantly and his body's refusing the transfusions we've got. We'll need a blood donor soon."

"Then why don't you find one?!"

She quirks up her eyebrows at me in response.

It takes a few moments for it to make sense and in that one second I bolt up, my fist quickly wrapping around the steel bars right in front of her face.

"Then what the hell are we waiting for?"

And I thought seeing him in the cafeteria was bad… this was a lot worse. There was just something about seeing those doctors and nurses poking around at the gaping hole in his face. Like every needle and scalpel was dragging itself through every nerve you have.

I've seen a lot over the years but this…. It made the hair on my neck bristle and almost turned my stomach.

"It's very hard to keep him alive," one doctor was saying.

"You're telling me."

"His fight or flight response is almost completely deactivated. I've never seen someone so…"

"Stubborn?"

"Accepting."

I look over at Fai again, stretched out on the bed. His hands are tied down but they're limp anyway. Well I'll be damned if I let this happen again.

I've rushed over to the bed before I even think about it.

"NO! You are not doing this to me, Fai. You don't get to give up on me." The guards are pulling me back. The doctors are shouting. And Fai? I don't even know if he can hear me, but he better be! "I'll fucking kill you myself before I let you do it."

"Kurrogane."

I don't know why her voice calms me down suddenly, but it does.

"Do you understand what it means to take someone's life out of their hands?"

"I have killed before."

"Yes, you have. But taking away someone's life is far different that forcing a life onto someone. I think you'll find this a lot more painful, for all those involved. You're talking about changing a person's life and forcing a person's choice in the matter. That's a kind of violence that's just as bad a murder. Are you prepared for that?"

"Yes."

"Then so be it."

**ooo**

**Fai: **

**o**

The sharp insistent pain is everything. A thousand torches are pressed down against every one of my nerves with the weight of a thousand tons and the heat of a thousand suns.

In some strange delirium, my brain tries to go on autopilot, tries to shut out the pain, focus on the situation.

Everything outside is a blur of noises.

Panicked shouts, sharp orders, and hushed directions. Amidst it all there's the soft reassurance of a woman's deep voice and…. something I can't possibly understand:

The very familiar and highly unwelcome anger.

Why is he here?

"Kurogane," she says and it has to be real.

"So be it," he says.

So be it.

And then I'm drowning, drowning forever and I can hardly breathe, hardly move, hardly feel. I feel so weak. I am so weak. And the burning weight is replaced by the chocking cold of some liquid sea.

And I'm drowning.

And then after years, centuries, eons even, of time muddled and stretched beyond breaking point… a soft whisper pushes itself next to me, floating in the water…

"_It's fate that you're here, Fai. It'll make things a lot easier. He's awake, and he's coming for you." _

**ooo**

**Kurogane **

**o**

Blood and screams.

That's what I wake up from. I haven't dreamt of my mother's death for years now. And Fai's presence beside her sure made a hell of a difference.

It might have been a second or days, but my body feels numb from all the sleep. Must have slipped me something in the tubes, the bastards!

I stretch out my limbs before straightening up. And I curse those bastards again as the room starts turning. I hate feeling weak.

I don't notice it till later. I'm always so angry I miss everything that's important.

Just when I try to lie down again, a paper rumples beneath my hand.

I pick it up and my heart sinks automatically. I've never seen the blond's handwriting but this has to be his.

And there's something very wrong about it.

_I'm sorry, I should have told you. I should have told you everything. I just never got the chance. But I can't say those words, not to you, not to anyone. Maybe to you. I just never got the chance. Just please… I know I don't have the right to ask you for anything anymore, but please just remember… Remember ME. _

I don't bother reading it again because I know exactly what it sounds like. I'm hollering to the guards in seconds. He's going to do something. He's going to hurt himself again. I have to get to him. You have to understand, I have to get to him. There's a suicide note and everything!

I've completely lost it by the time I get to his ward, the screams from my nightmares ringing in my ears.

His bed is empty.

I feel my knees smack hard against the cold stone floor.

The white of the bed sheets blinds me.

I almost scream, but the anger's left me.

I can't accept this.

Someone's tugging at my shoulder. They're shouting in my ear but I can't seem to focus.

"—need to see the letter. Where is the letter?"

No. It's mine.

"Where is the letter Mr. Daidouji? We need the letter. We can't find him without the letter."

"Find him?"

I see the frustrated expression on the guard's face but my mind's too thick for anything else. "Yes, as you can see, Mr. Daidouji, your little boy toy has somehow managed to escape."

**ooo**

**o**

**To be continued... (once reviews are in :P ) **


	17. Chapter 17: Letters and Paperwork

**Finally! It's been a really long summer, sorry guys. First my mom got horribly sick and then I had to go for a course abroad. But now I'm back and I'll never abandon this fic. EVER! Reviews help a ton, special thanks this time to Keerok for jolting me back. And without further ado, Enjoy! **

**ooo**

**Letters and Paperwork**

**ooo**

**o**

**Kurogane:**

**o**

Fuck paperwork!

You'd think that cutting out just two fucking weeks out of your god-damned prison time wouldn't be so freakin' complicated in an emergency situation, but damn! I've been here most of my life and now they're being anal with a couple of hours, give me a break.

Never thought I'd say this, but fuck the law!

Little good it ever did me. Them and their little systems, how could they let this happen?

But that's just it. That's the problem. That's what has them all staring at their feet. They know. Everyone from the Super to the janitor knows that someone let this happen.

That's where I come in. 'Cause who better to send off on a wild goose chase than an ex-murderer police-kid who just so happens to be the lover of the escaped convict in question. And nothing can go wrong with that set up, right?

"Here, read this."

A newspaper gets pushed over the desk towards me and long red fingernails point towards the bottom. Reluctantly ,I take the thing from the witch and glance over at the scenes of wreckage from some stupid war across the seas. That's the main header, so what does she want? It's only as I'm handing it back in annoyance that I notice a small article in the corner.

_**Ashura Returns to Flourite Industries after Long Coma **_

_Billionaire philanthropist Ashura Flourite has returned as head of one of the country's largest manufactures after miraculously recovering from a year-long coma late last week. Close friends, who would rather remain anonymous, say that he's been on the mend for some time, "Ever since Fai's trail, Ashura's soul hasn't been at peace." No further comments were available concerning last year's scandal when the adopted son of Ashura, Fai Flourite, was charged with several counts of murder as well as the attempted murder of his Ashura himself. _

_Company official, Xing Huo, was very adamant is assuring that the company has distanced itself completely from last year's events, and will move forward in their expansion now that Ashura is healthy once more. "This is a great sign of fortune for us. Indeed, things are finally looking up now that the past is behind bars," said Xing, alluding vaguely to the company's recent struggles against primary competitor Yasha Corp. _

"Yasha?" something creeps into my head from some long-ago conversation. "It's not the same family is it?"

"It is, and 'Gramps' has requested a private meeting with you. They're bringing him in soon."

"Don't tell me this is all some sort of business bullshit!"

"We don't know what it's about." She crosses her legs and looks away. I'll be damned if she doesn't know what's up. She had genuine concern flash across her face for all of 5 minutes that were filled with pacing and cursing. Since then she's had that stupid smug look on her face and I know that it has something to do with me. I can almost feel her weave things around me. Must think it's some sort of crazy game, the witch!

They bring Gramps in an hour later, because fuck urgency!

"I hear you've got something for me," I mutter darkly.

"It's a long story, but I can get to the point," he said, automatically taking up a serious tone. The witch is over at the window and I get the distinct impression that she'd heard all this before. He takes her place and I never thought I'd actually miss her presence, but his just makes everything seem a thousand times worse. Like I wasn't already going crazy as it was. "Your loverboy's got himself in some really bad shit. I guessed he was related to the family, with that name of his, but I figured it out too late. Never imagined Ashura would adopt someone. Never figured that someone would waltz in here either."

Waltz in… yeah that's exactly what he'd done. Fuck.

"That family's bad news and I'm not just saying that. Our companies have been rivals since the dawn of man and I grew up hating them. It was only later in our lives, when Ashura Senior and I had battled it out for years and years in the economic sector that we finally started to cool down. There was an incident with an emerging new firm and we found ourselves teaming up to take them down. It was a long process and we spent many a long night together."

As much as I respected Gramps, especially for coming here, I sure as hell was hoping that this wasn't about to turn into some romantic reminiscence. I couldn't stop myself from cringing; he was an old man after all.

"Don't worry about it Kido. I'm just saying the man got comfortable. This one night I pulled out an old sake bottle from the cabinet and we got to talking. The man broke down. Kept saying something about a curse in his bloodline. Something about a string of murders that they were all responsible for. He shouted, 'I can't stop, I can't stop!' It's only when he said he'd make sure it all ended with his son that I started taking him seriously. I'd met the kid, just a little 4-year old at the time, and I was concerned. A couple of months later I get a call from him. He was really out of it, kept saying what a horrible father he was, 'I didn't have a choice!' he said. I drive over there as fast as I can but it was too late for the kid. Let's just say he was rendered sterile. Guess that didn't stop him though, when he grew up. He just adopted poor Fai. The father set it up, you see. He made his kid feel distant and abandoned. So as soon as the little guy was better he started involving himself with orphanages and abuse centers. The headlines were a spectacle: 'Child philanthropist off to Change the World!" and let's just say a lot of people owed their lives to him, some quite literally. I'm sure your loverboy feels that way. And now that the father's awake, there's no telling what he'll do."

Gramps stopped then and I kept expecting him to say more. But he'd shut up like a clam.

"So? That's all you've got. A weird fucking family curse?"

"That's all I can tell you. I made a promise long ago and I'll take the rest to my grave."

Figures. I'll have to do all the work myself then, no shit. "What happened to your friend anyway? The grandfather…"

"I killed him."

Why in the world do I keep getting surprised that people in this fucking joint have actually committed murders?! I'm sure I look stupider than a schoolboy in the ladies section of the market, but I can't bring myself to ask further. His eyes are all locked up anyway and he asks to leave.

Finally, I bark out at the Shrink, "Let's get a move on shall we."

**ooo**

**Fai**

**o**

This is the place of my memories, my dreams, my nightmares. These bright-colored walls, these smiling wide-eyed toys all drenched with the smell of parquet and heavy detergents… it's all just the same.

So is he.

The kindness in those round eyes and the soft red lips pulled back in a smile. Years have passed between us, worlds of pain and oblivion, but still his hand reaches out to me. I'm seven years old again and he smiles that ice warm smile, the smile of a god statue, just like that first time in the ice, just like that weekend in the cabin… just like that last night in the basement.

"Welcome back, Fai."

**ooo**

**Kurogane**

**o**

On my last night at the joint I get a final reminder of all the nice things I've seen here. A single piece of paper is lying on my bunk, folded and slightly crumpled. It's in kanji and at a glance I get my hopes up thinking Gramps decided to spill the beans. But the first word pisses me off: Sensei.

_Dear Sensei,_

_I won't apologize for what I did to him, but I'm sorry it hurt you in the process. I didn't want it to get that far and I should have told you about Ryu and the others but I didn't want you to worry. You were leaving after all and…yeah…. _

_I'm sorry I won't get to say this in person, being in confinement and all, but it really has been an honor meeting you and being taught by you. __After losing Sxxx… my friends…__ I never thought I'd find anything worth fighting for. So thank you. For everything. _

_I can't ever repay you, but I know you're going to be out looking for answers. Maybe you'll find some for me too. So here's an address to get you started, it's not much but it's all I've got. _

_Good Luck,_

_Your student_

_Syaoran_

Stupid kid. Stupid blond. Everyone off gallivanting on their own goddamned quests. Gramps and the Shrink all tied up in their own nonsense. Well I'll be damned if this ain't settled soon. One way or another. Midwest cow country, here I come.

**ooo**

**o**

**A/N: Thank you so much for sticking around and reading. Sorry if it's a bit short but there's a lot of information so I'll keep the action for later. Review and we'll all get there faster. Hope it all made sense (as much as it did to Kuro at least) and as always, Concrete Criticism is seriously wanted, so again: Review! **

**Till next time, take care!**


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